I am extremely physically ill with no realistic chance of recovering. My health has been declining since childhood and I now have no quality of life. I'm suffering so much every day, bedbound and in pain, emaciated and barely able to move. Every day is a haze.
The problem is that there are so many things I want to take care of before I go, but have been too sick for years to do any of it. I have multiple hard drives of personal stuff that I want to go through (deleting everything I don't want people to see and leaving some photos, artwork, and music for my loved ones or to share online) but I never have the energy. It would take weeks and weeks to go through it all. I feel like I should just delete everything, but my art means so much to me, it's hard to bring myself to do that. I had a near-death experience in the past, and the thought of all my art dying with me was the most devastating feeling. So it's just an anchor.
The other thing is that I really don't want to die in this house. I'm stuck here living with my abusive mother because my disabilities have left me with nowhere else to go. The thought of having to die in the same place I spent being abused and miserable since childhood is unbearable to me.
I don't want to die, but I can't live like this forever. I want to free myself from these things so that if I'm ready to make that choice, they won't be holding me back or making me have to die feeling so heartbroken and not at peace. After a lifetime of pain and suffering, I just want some peace in the end.
I would appreciate any idea or suggestions. Thank you
The problem is that there are so many things I want to take care of before I go, but have been too sick for years to do any of it. I have multiple hard drives of personal stuff that I want to go through (deleting everything I don't want people to see and leaving some photos, artwork, and music for my loved ones or to share online) but I never have the energy. It would take weeks and weeks to go through it all. I feel like I should just delete everything, but my art means so much to me, it's hard to bring myself to do that. I had a near-death experience in the past, and the thought of all my art dying with me was the most devastating feeling. So it's just an anchor.
The other thing is that I really don't want to die in this house. I'm stuck here living with my abusive mother because my disabilities have left me with nowhere else to go. The thought of having to die in the same place I spent being abused and miserable since childhood is unbearable to me.
I don't want to die, but I can't live like this forever. I want to free myself from these things so that if I'm ready to make that choice, they won't be holding me back or making me have to die feeling so heartbroken and not at peace. After a lifetime of pain and suffering, I just want some peace in the end.
I would appreciate any idea or suggestions. Thank you
