neverwashere
Self sabotaging to cope with it all
- Apr 25, 2023
- 73
I likely won't ever do this but a part of me really wants to stab myself in the gut over and over again and slowly bleed out. I want to fully hang myself and slowly crush my windpipe. I want to suffer at my own hands. I used to want to die a peaceful and painless death but as of me typing this out I want nothing more than to die knowing that I suffered. I feel like I not only have to "earn" death to maybe get a chance at redemption in my next life or to find peace in whatever afterlife might exist, but I also deserve to bleed, cry, vomit, and go through literal hell in general. If someone broke into my room with a gun and shot me in the stomach, I think I'd thank them for not finishing me off right away but still mortally wounding me. To be honest, I'd want to thank them even if they killed me instantly since in the end the result is the same, but my point still stands.
