I want to ctb because of my partners money habits

[tiredangelgirl]

we had put aside $25k in hopes to use it as a down payment and closing costs etc for buying a house. it is ALL the savings money we have. he swore up and down to me he wouldn't touch it. in a matter of only 3 months, it's at $20,000 now. he makes okay money, not great but more than enough to pay his bills and his end of things. even though he makes 4x what I do, we still split living costs 50/50. he spends a lot on weed and his hobbies, meanwhile I try so hard to budget I had to specifically save and set aside money to buy myself a new pair of shorts. it's frustrating that I manage to pay what I need to and be financially responsible making a fraction what he does.

i've talked before on this site how money is my main reason I want to ctb. now I keep seeing posts about how sn is unreliable, painful and uncomfortable. these posts get in my head about what I should do. but I am living in CONSTANT stress about money, and I know buying a house with a lower mortgage would be a huge burden off our shoulders rather than overpaying with rent each month. I feel like he doesn't care at all.

not to mention, even with him making way more money than me he's asked for money the last few months. for gas, food etc. I save pennies and I get no where with it. I am tired of working my ass off, working 2 jobs, managing my money as best as I can and it's still not good enough. it feels like a constant loop of stress and hell and never being able to enjoy anything that I work so hard for.

if I try to bring anything up in a mature way, he throws a borderline tantrum. he will cry, blame it on mommy issues or mental health. OR he'll tell me i'm being over dramatic and to shut up even though we're not okay if he felt the need to take $5k from the savings. also no he doesn't gamble or have drug issues. just piss poor money management skills.

I want to leave but we've been together a while, I can't afford rent on my own, and it's a lot more complicated than simply just leaving. i've tried to even beg my mom to let me live at home for a few months to get back on my feet while I left him and she won't let me. I don't exactly have the best family situation.

edit/side note: please be kind if you read this and decide to comment. I am so exhausted and I know it seems easy to just leave but if youve ever been in this situation you'll know how hard it can be.

 

[Pluto]

It's very stressful when one partner is more stable/responsible than the other. I once had that situation and it took months to get rid of her, bleeding money all the while. It convinced me to go it alone, though that ended up difficult, lonely and miserable as hell, too. Sometimes it feels like there's no winning.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm really sorry that you have to go through all this in your life. "Money" itself is an evil product of the society, we have to live in, but it's also the fuel that is needed to keep everything "alive". It's there since thousands of years. I know that this may not help you out of your situation. But it's imo legit to leave this world for the reason not being able to live a life that is worth to be lived in this society. And I'm in a similar situation.

 

[Rational man]

When TRUST is missing in a relationship, how can anything be fine !.So do you trust him?.

 

[Aisley]

This isn't a guy who knows how to do without, is it? I wanted to say get a new bank account and lie about what's in the savings, low ball it. But i don't think that would help you. Cuz you'll need to explain that before the down payment happens. This is tough, and he's working against you. Sabotaging shit, whether he means to or not. Idk. Pot's super cheap online these days, and it's good stuff, too. No reason to be dropping huge chunks of cash for it. Not much, I know, but it's something. I also have a husband who's sometimes very irresponsible with money, and cuts the legs out from under us at the worst possible times and I wish I could offer you something concrete, but I just hide money. It was all I could think of.

 

[Forever Sleep]

All I can really think of doing is making him aware of how upsetting this is for you. How it's eating up your life. If he strarts saying you are overreacting or starts crying- say you feel like crying everyday but you're trying to hold it together. Does he seem to care about your relationship? I think you need to make it clear that this situation is likely to destroy it. I think you do need separate bank accounts by the sounds of it. He clearly can't be trusted with a shared account. I don't know- he just doesn't really sound like he's going to change. I think you really need to think about whether you are willing to live with that in future.

 

[GenericUsername37]

Where have you heard that SN is unreliable, painful, and uncomfortable? I plan to CTB with SN in a matter of days and this is news to me.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Find someone whom is more responsible with their money since he isn't willing to change. Do you have any friends that you can live with in the mean time?

 

[tsi7890]

at least get your revenge before you ctb i would never take away my life because of some useless asshole, get rid of his ass.