Venting I want to C.T.B but i can't afford the materials

[Haibane-renmei-reki]

it's like i am the unluckiest user here, at least everyone else seems to have their method and the material at hand, a while ago i tried to find a rope in the basement, it was a weak old one, i tried to look up for a good one at local stores and they either sell them in Kilos or bulks, i don't have any money or income at all, if not for my family i would go homeless and hungry, at least you guys and girls can feel comfortable knowing you could end it, here am just stuck, i want to do it but i lack the material, my only hope is using bedsheets/some long clotching but first i will need to get thin for them to hold my weight, i might also steal cash from dad to buy a dureable belt, and it's not easy getting a job in my backwater area, especially without connections (my family is not helping me for now) and am mentally disabled, i 've no education or skills, it's overwhelming, i had to drop from school at 6th grade.

 

[Haibane-renmei-reki]

UPDATE: i finally found a store that sells ropes in meters here, so funny, the reason i did not notice him before is because when i went looking for stores that sell them here, it was during our holiday season, so he was not available at that time, but am so haaaappppppy, but he only sells 2 brands of ropes, one of them is more expensive than the other, am still not sure which one to get, and i still don't have the money although i can collect it by using money for fastfood as an excuse to my parents, but am happy regardless, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, happy