Venting I want to be in heaven with family

[RIPPrincess]

I feel like a hollow shell of a person since I lost my sister when I was in high school. 2009. I am the Black Sheep of my family so I am not close with my family and have no one else close to me except for my father. He passed away two years ago from cancer and I took care of him in his last couple of months of life. It was the single most traumatizing thing i've ever gone through.

I don't wish watching your parent wither away on the Devil. He was mean, in pain, he was 80 lbs. I have some sort of ptsd now I'm sure.

I have BPD and my family didn't wanna help because he was mean but you would be mean too if u were FUCKING DYING.

Every time I go to family gatherings. It feels like they're rubbing it in my face that they have a full complete family. My cousin being all over her dad. I am so bitter that I feel like I will never be able to live a normal life.

I wanna CTB but it's fucking terrfying to me but looking on here relaxes me. I just wanna be with my dad and sister.

Thank you for reading. Everybody gets so tired of me talking about this. So it means a lot to me that you took the time out.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Welcome to the forum. Understandable that you wanna be with them. I'm sorry you have to go through this.

 

[rosenwasser]

I'm sorry, this sound devastating. I have also lost the only person in my family who cared about me. I wish you peace.