Venting I want to be a monster

[edu0z]

I have so much hate built up and I feel like I could explode at any moment. It's mostly self-hatred, but I'm feeling the need to hurt the people around me because that's the most effective way to hurt myself. I just want to let it all out at once, I'm scared of my own thoughts.

 

[R_N]

I understand anger very well. That is the emotion most challenging to control for me still when it rears it's head. Luckily it doesn't happen often.

It is never directed at myself and years ago I channeled it through other things to calm it down. Now I don't do that but sometimes I get fantasies where I would enjoy violence towards those I feel deserving of it. And it is always by my own hands.

Back in cave days we probably killed each other more often and expressed our every emotion without restrictions. And we never gave it a thought like animals don't. They just feel and act on it.

Well at least it gives me something to do, it is my hobby to observe myself and my feelings and try to control them. Mocking and taking any value from anything human about me.

 

[AntHills]

I would imagine that hurting somebody else because you hate yourself could only have a terrible outcome for both of you. Abusing your conscience is a surefire way to become an evil piece of shit. If your desire to CTB has anything to do with how you have been treated by others, then the potential consequences of your actions should be clear enough.

Venting helps a bit and (hopefully) the anger will leave your body over time as you realize that it's not really useful. Treating people with kindness or indifference in the face of adversity is therapeutic.

 

[TheLastGreySky]

I have self sabotaged like that and I have to tell you, that's literally the worst thing you can do, because they will have to live with the pain you intentionally caused them.

 

[Abyssal]

Feeling this right now. Violent self hatred that you swallow and pretend doesn't exist. I want to destroy everything on impulse.

 

[greatgooglymoogly]

I don't think I've ever explicitly wanted to hurt anyone around me but I do severely hate myself and wish I could just be detached from them, which I guess would cause some pain to them realistically