nembutal
everything will be okay in the end
- Jul 14, 2022
- 337
my straight As began to drop around the time i entered high school. i finally realize that this deviation in behavior didn't arise from a diagnosis, but a subconscious realization of what awaits me as an american. i began to rebel when i realized i was being prepped for a lifetime of slavery and struggle. traversing the beaten path was alienating, i was in despair about my predestined future while my classmates seemed eager to step into the rat race. i was soon deemed a failure by my parents and society, and i was diagnosed mentally ill in an attempt to explain my behavior. the system had failed me, but i didn't know that yet, and i spent college onward beating myself up for my supposed deficiencies, wondering why i couldn't be normal and conformist like everyone else.
i am having so much trouble understanding how others can handle a system where they aren't compensated fairly for their work and are forced to sacrifice for the riches of someone who could care less for their existence.
i don't have an issue with myself, looking back i never did. my deviancy has led me to experience things that others wouldn't in their lifetimes. i pride myself in the fact that i can dress and act without wondering what people on the street will think of me. i work a "deviant" job where i make the weekly income of an office worker in an hour. i feel free.
my problem is that without conforming to the system i will never get out of my parent's house. i will continue to be shunned do to my "mental impairments". my friends will continue to be driven into suicidality. the environment will collapse. those who do not fit into the rich white elite will continue to be exploited without even being ensured a yearly vacation, let alone retirement. i can go on and on but you know the drill.
i am so sick of the injustice plaguing my environment and i desperately want out. i can't move overseas due to requirements i cannot meet. i don't want to play a part in a system that uses practices akin to manipulation and slavery. is there nothing to be done but CTB?
i am having so much trouble understanding how others can handle a system where they aren't compensated fairly for their work and are forced to sacrifice for the riches of someone who could care less for their existence.
i don't have an issue with myself, looking back i never did. my deviancy has led me to experience things that others wouldn't in their lifetimes. i pride myself in the fact that i can dress and act without wondering what people on the street will think of me. i work a "deviant" job where i make the weekly income of an office worker in an hour. i feel free.
my problem is that without conforming to the system i will never get out of my parent's house. i will continue to be shunned do to my "mental impairments". my friends will continue to be driven into suicidality. the environment will collapse. those who do not fit into the rich white elite will continue to be exploited without even being ensured a yearly vacation, let alone retirement. i can go on and on but you know the drill.
i am so sick of the injustice plaguing my environment and i desperately want out. i can't move overseas due to requirements i cannot meet. i don't want to play a part in a system that uses practices akin to manipulation and slavery. is there nothing to be done but CTB?
