I wanna kms before my cousin’s wedding

[SoCloseSoFar]

I know this is selfish as fuck but, I wish I could find the strength to kill myself before my cousin's wedding in 2 weeks. I am DREADING seeing the people who I intentionally distanced myself from after coming out as trans years ago, and interacting with family members who haven't seen me since I was in diapers and long before my transition. Can't wait to hear the comments… My cousin is seriously lucky she's like a 4th sister to me and we've known each other since diapers or seriously, I'd actually end myself now. She's an ally so I feel safe with her and since my surgery, I pass well enough it doesn't matter but these people won't be complete strangers. My grandma never gets my pronouns right and my mom has a history of starting fights with my aunt because my aunt can't keep her fucking mouth shut sometimes.

Like, what if she or someone else comments on my super traditional goth black dress and makeup and I embarrass my cousin on her wedding day. I don't wanna pretend to be someone I'm not just to appease them so I'm absolutely wearing the goth dress.

I hate the eggshells I have to walk on around my family. I love my family to death but i can't ever be myself