I wanna jump

[ppie41]

When I can't bring myself to leave the house coz I'm a depressed pos, but it's a nice day and I feel like I'm missing out on the weather, I climb up onto my roof from my window. It's not the highest part of my roof by any means, just a small ledge I can sit on that's connected to my window. It wouldn't kill me because of the height, but I almost always think about jumping when I'm up here unless it's sunny enough that I can only think about how nice it is outside. Anybody else get violent intrusive thoughts like this even when they're just trying to enjoy themselves?

 

[SSGoingInsane]

Yeah, I get them too. I'm not even that suicidal I'm just feeling empty and lonely all the time. I was riding bicycles with my friends today actually, and we went up a hill to a small ruined medieval tower on a cliff. When we got off the bikes and climbed to the highest point of the tower, I was feeling the same intrusive thoughts as you described, and wanted to jump. Also when we were going back down with the bikes, I thought of full speeding into a tree for some reason.

 

[AllMyDreams]

Sometimes. It helps for me to just disconnect falling off from CTB entirely. Even if I'm feeling depressed, jumping off a shorter building is in no way associated with CTB and is instead just associated with injury and intense pain. So I avoid thinking about it just as I avoid thinking about e.g., burning my hand in fire.

 

[the guilt i carry]

Yeah, I have the same. Sometimes, even when I think I'm satisfied with the situation I usually fantasize about hanging or cutting. And every time I do smth in the kitchen, I imagine stabbing myself. I understand that this all won't kill me. this happens everyday. But actually it helps me not to think about ctb and not to sh, as imagining somehow satisfies me enough. But yeah it's sucks, as Im usually trying to enjoy the situation.