Venting I wanna go but I'm not even sure

[phoebonebe]

I really want to die already. I've been suicidal for years with barely any breaks. The only thing keeping me alive is my mom... I don't want to think about how devastated she would be if I died.

Suicide is the only thing on my mind constantly and there's no escaping it. I want to stay for my mom but I just want to die so bad I cannot handle everything right now. I want to give my belongings to my friends and family and just die already. I don't know what to do anymore

 

[Zerin]

I really want to die already. I've been suicidal for years with barely any breaks. The only thing keeping me alive is my mom... I don't want to think about how devastated she would be if I died.

Suicide is the only thing on my mind constantly and there's no escaping it. I want to stay for my mom but I just want to die so bad I cannot handle everything right now. I want to give my belongings to my friends and family and just die already. I don't know what to do anymore

I understand the feeling, the only thing I'm looking for is to stop suffering after everything that happens, but I always wonder how those people who loved me will move on, so I still try to fix my head even if I don't succeed.

 

[Worndown]

I understand your problem. It does not sound like it is worth sticking around if you are that unhappy. You have a terrible choice.

 

[Aeselle]

I really want to die already. I've been suicidal for years with barely any breaks. The only thing keeping me alive is my mom... I don't want to think about how devastated she would be if I died.

Suicide is the only thing on my mind constantly and there's no escaping it. I want to stay for my mom but I just want to die so bad I cannot handle everything right now. I want to give my belongings to my friends and family and just die already. I don't know what to do anymore

I quite understand that feeling. At times, I can't even focus on the task on hand because my mind tells me, I'm just going to end it all anyways, what's the point?

I've been thinking, I won't be able to feel guilty if I end up doing it. Believing that is rather comforting in a way.

 

[Callie Arcale]

I can relate. I hope the day comes when I am strong enough to override the love and sense of duty I feel towards family, as well as that fucking survival instinct.

 

[Pomegranate]

I get where you're coming from. You are an empathetic person. Whether you decide to CTB or not, it won't make your love for your mother any less. For years, you have cultivated tender feelings for your mother, and you genuinely care about her wellbeing. Sometimes, I have fantasies of opening the door to my dad's room, only to find him hanging. I don't want to encounter such a horrifying scene, so I don't want my parents to find me in the same situation. I empathize with you: you are at a terrible cul-de-sac. On one hand, you want to relieve yourself from the immense pain that has been consuming you for years, with no end in sight while living. On the other hand, you know your passing away will lead to your mother suffering, perhaps for the rest of her life. The double whammy is that by continuing to live, we also expose ourselves to the certain death of people around us. As Sam Harris says: "If we live long enough, we lose everyone we love in this world." Being able to put myself in my family's shoes is a major reason why I haven't CTB. I don't want to ruin their lives and make them feel like guilty or regretful. I think it's sad that we live in a world where life is so prioritized that we'd rather feel pain through and through till we die of natural causes than to end our lives before all this hell on Earth is unleashed. After all, we do this for our pets that we love. Why can't we do the same for our loved humans?

 

[joeschmo]

I really want to die already. I've been suicidal for years with barely any breaks. The only thing keeping me alive is my mom... I don't want to think about how devastated she would be if I died.

Suicide is the only thing on my mind constantly and there's no escaping it. I want to stay for my mom but I just want to die so bad I cannot handle everything right now. I want to give my belongings to my friends and family and just die already. I don't know what to do anymore

Since no-one asked, could you tell us what your reasons for wanting to die?