I'm an addict and I have been ever since I was 11, substances got me through the way I felt and I couldn't function properly without them. Alcohol can fuck you up, it's a dangerous substance. It would be terrible, but it gets the job done, it numbs everything. But eventually that'll just get worse and you'll get even more depressed. You'll lead yourself down a rabbit hole and you won't be able to get out. I understand where you're coming from, being sober fucking sucks. But if you keep yourself busy with other things then the temptation won't be as strong, or distract yourself by doing things you like or being with friends then it can help a bit. I wish you the best.