I waited so long for the chance to be loved that I lost my feelings

[Crematoryy]

My heart, which once yearned for human presence, ceased to feel the need. My desire died, along with the gentle version of myself. I never overcame that absence; I simply lost the capacity for the very feelings I was born to experience. Life has been filthy to me. I expect nothing now—only a lonely death at the lowest rung of this existence. My fate was never within my control, and try as I might, I cannot prevent it. At the very least, I hope my death spreads the same immense pain I felt time and again, and that this feverish world might be destroyed and forgotten by all. Many minds find gratification in interacting with the external universe. While I was suffering, others were having fun. It's outrageous to note that a single universe can contain completely different worlds. I hope to be able to renounce this life.

 

[caotic_realm]

The same thing happened to me a while back. Although I do somewhat crave the warmth of a hug, the sweet kisses of someone who loves me, or kind words, I no longer expect anything; after all, no woman would offer me that without expecting something in return. You could say I'm asking for a lot, but lately I feel strange—I think I've lost the ability to love or take an interest in anyone. I realized this when watching porn: rather than desiring sex as a way to feel reciprocated, it feels like an escape or a way to tune out, rather than something I seek for the sake of pleasure itself. In short, I am content with what I have—solitude—and I simply wish to die in peace, without pain; that is the only thing I want.