Venting I used to be beautiful

[moonflow3r]

i used to be beautiful, like, really, really, really pretty. "The kind of radiance you only have at 18. One day I just stopped trying, I convinced myself I was crazy, I wasn't good enough for uni, I didn't fit in. I was weird, a social adept. None of it was true. Now I've out on weight and I ruined my hair and my face and my teeth . I'm just so fucking heartbroken. I was beautiful. I miss her. I miss me. My chest hurts from all the thinking and all the regret. I destroyed myself for nothing. I can't look at pictures or videos of myself without feeling unmeasured remorse and regrets I'm sorry me. I'm sorry girl. I took something which was sacred and shattered it to pieces. My sanity, and my dignity,

I used to be beautiful. Inside and outside. I was working towards something. I was proving people wrong. I had a goal and just one goal. I let it go. I lost myself and I can't forgive myself for it so I just binge eat and keep messing shit up.
I used to be so fucking beautiful why did I DO THIS WHY DID I FUCKIFN DAMAGEMYSELF LIKE THIS PLEASE GOD THIS ISNT FUCKIGN FAIR WHY WHY WHY THE FUCK AM I SO FUCKINF STUPID I HAD IT ALL I HAD IT ALL I HAD THE BRAINS AND THE APPEAL I WAS ON TOP OF MY FUCKING GAME AND I LET IT ALL GO DOWN THE DRAIN GO
AND ALL I DO IS FUCKING CRY DSY SND NIGHT WHEN I REMEMEBR SND I LOOKAT MYSELF IN THE MIRROR SND I TRY TO ORETEND THAT I DONT CARE SO I CAN COPE BUT I USED TO BE SO FUCKIGN BEAUTIFUL MY SKIN WAS GLOWING MY HAIR WAS LONG AND HEALTHY MY SMILE DUDE MY SMILE BUT NO I HAD TO OD ON SOME FUCKING WELLBUTRIN AND END UO IN THE ER AND I HAD SOME PSYCHOTIC EPISODE AND GRINDED MY TEETH AWAY . And I KEEP ON EATING LIKE A FUCKING COW AND I JUST FEEL SO MYCH SELF PITY AND SHAME BECAUSETHIS ISNT WHO IM SUPPOSED TO BE BUT IVE BEEN THIS PERSON FOR THE PAST THREE MONTHS AND I CSNT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD I CANR BRING HER BACK
SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL LIKE THE STARS IN THE NIGHTSKY LIKE THE FULL MOON OM A SUMMER NIGHT

I FUCKING HATE MY FUCKING LIFE AND WHAT IVE DONE OF IT

I WAS SO FUCKING PRETTY SND SMART SND I TOLD MYSELF NO NO NO TOURE JONE OF THOSE THINGS FOR SOME FUCKIGN REASON WHY THE FUCK DID I DO THAT WHY DID I FUCKINF RUIN MYSEKF LIKE THIS

my FAMILY COUNTED ON ME THEY GOT MY BACK MY DAD GOT MY BACK EVERYONE GOT MY BACK AND I LET THEM FOWN TRYING TO REBEL AGAIJST SOME BS I CAME UP WITH

 

[Michi_Violeta]

All that pain, I...I'm sorry you feel it and yet I think I understand what you're going through. Can't say much to help other than saying that three months is something you can recover from. Of course, I don't have an exact timeline and you don't need to share it, but you can bring her back: hair can shine again, there are skin treatments, heck, it's not the best example but I lost like 10 kilograms on the first month of my break-up.

It's never too late to make amends with family either specially if they got your back. For now, get it all out, we'll listen, we got your back too.

 

[worthless123]

For what it's worth I ruined my face with an unnecessary eye surgery 2 years ago and subsequently dropped out of school, and life in general. I lost all my friends and I just stay locked in my room all day every day. I think as long as you still have the same face and body you were born with, it's possible to come back from anything. Especially if you've only been out of commission for 3 months.

 

[Big_Eal]

i used to be a good looking guy too and very smart but overthinking ruined my life and then depression and anxiety comes to take it all, combined with bad decisions aswell, now i just gave up in my life , no exercise , no friends , no work , i dont go out of home , just twice at year , my wish every night is to not wake up next day , but ideas without action is nothing

 

[Maroonbear]

ALL I DO IS FUCKING CRY DSY SND NIGHT WHEN I REMEMEBR SND I LOOKAT MYSELF IN THE MIRROR SND I TRY TO ORETEND THAT I DONT CARE SO I CAN COPE BUT I USED TO BE SO FUCKIGN BEAUTIFUL MY SKIN WAS GLOWING MY HAIR WAS LONG AND HEALTHY MY SMILE DUDE MY SMILE BUT NO I HAD TO OD ON SOME FUCKING WELLBUTRIN AND END UO IN THE ER AND I HAD SOME PSYCHOTIC EPISODE AND GRINDED MY TEETH AWAY . And I KEEP ON EATING LIKE A FUCKING COW AND I JUST FEEL SO MYCH SELF PITY AND SHAME BECAUSETHIS ISNT WHO IM SUPPOSED TO BE BUT IVE BEEN THIS PERSON FOR THE PAST THREE MONTHS AND I CSNT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD I CANR BRING HER BACK
SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL LIKE THE STARS IN THE NIGHTSKY LIKE THE FULL MOON OM A SUMMER NIGHT

Oh Im so sorry sweetheart :( I get it. I was a fat kid but lost the weight only to regain it. Had the best skin and body only to end up losing it and ending up right back where I started. I need to cover my mirrors because I can't even stand to look at myself anymore. life's so fucking cruel

 

[Subhumano]

Ive always been subhuman

 

[Hollowman]

I wrecked myself too. It used to drive me crazy thinking about how life could've been. I kinda got used to it. Maybe you'll be able to salvage what's left of your life.