I turn 27 in 2 weeks I feel like my entire life is over

[FireFox]

Everyday more and more I feel so alone in all my problems. All birthdays remind me that my existence is one enormous failure. I have no man of my own all my life I have been that girl now woman who never gets picked. Right now I should have been in university lectures, preparing for exams and my life on track. I am so angry I am starting a masters a year late because of last minute issues over tuition fees last year. I won't even enjoy my masters degree course anymore because the time I start I should have been preparing for graduation and getting a job. All I am now reminded of whenever I vist the university I will be attending is everything I have missed out and everything I could have had. Getting into that university was the only good thing I had going for me and was giving me something to keep holding on to life because 2023 was the worst year of my life with nothing going right . Being forced to defer I finally gave up on life altogether. All my life I have never given up when things were hard but now I am done fighting.

I am so far behind in everything everyone else around me is settled with a spouse or a career here is me with nothing going right in my right. More and more I am just tired of life never working out. I don't want life anymore. I really wanted to life and be happy but the constant lifetime of male rejection , failure to have a career, lack of financial independence, my failure to grow into a real adult and NO achievements in life i finally decided life is not for me and the world doesn't want to me happy. The loneliness I experience has finally broken before I could cope in not having friends and doing things by myself but now I can't anymore. I don't want to see another decade anymore. Seeing everyone I grew up with getting married is just reminder of how all my life I have been that girl now woman who never is a guys number 1 choice, the woman who has never been someone's crush or love interst, the woman who has never had a man say I love you. I will always be the unwanted woman I am not living this existence anymore, an existence or failure in everything.

More and more suicide is the way out and the answer to absolutely everything. There is no light at the end of tunnel for me. My life I don't want it anymore. I want to stop existing. Life is an overrated existence. All my life I have struggled to fit in and now it makes sense life was never for me. I don't belong here in this world

 

[uzuf86]

I fucked my life when I was 26, there was no help available and I was continuously being overwhelmed by poor mental health. I am sorry to hear about your situation and can only recommend you to make drastic changes if it's not too late.

 

[permanently tired]

Frankly, I feel the same. I dropped out of undergrad after one semester. I couldn't take it and I fell behind all my peers who assimilated into the new environment while I just lost all my senses. All I can feel is overwhelming apathy towards everything after a depressive episode during my time there. All the time and pressure in going to preparatory classes growing up that evolved into highschool and college applications. I didn't even want it, but maybe I could've tolerated it since that's what everybody expected me to do. I couldn't do it, I just hate being here. I hate being able to think. After a series of tumultuous events I told my parents how badly I was doing and how I just wanted to jump off a bridge. My mother told me to rest for a few months and then one day she started bringing up applying to uni again. I can't fucking deal with this life. I just hope I'll be able to end it soon. Even if I somehow make it through and graduate, I won't love my life so I don't see a reason in prolonging this.

 

[Lifeaffirmingchoice]

Everyday more and more I feel so alone in all my problems. All birthdays remind me that my existence is one enormous failure. I have no man of my own all my life I have been that girl now woman who never gets picked. Right now I should have been in university lectures, preparing for exams and my life on track. I am so angry I am starting a masters a year late because of last minute issues over tuition fees last year. I won't even enjoy my masters degree course anymore because the time I start I should have been preparing for graduation and getting a job. All I am now reminded of whenever I vist the university I will be attending is everything I have missed out and everything I could have had. Getting into that university was the only good thing I had going for me and was giving me something to keep holding on to life because 2023 was the worst year of my life with nothing going right . Being forced to defer I finally gave up on life altogether. All my life I have never given up when things were hard but now I am done fighting.

I am so far behind in everything everyone else around me is settled with a spouse or a career here is me with nothing going right in my right. More and more I am just tired of life never working out. I don't want life anymore. I really wanted to life and be happy but the constant lifetime of male rejection , failure to have a career, lack of financial independence, my failure to grow into a real adult and NO achievements in life i finally decided life is not for me and the world doesn't want to me happy. The loneliness I experience has finally broken before I could cope in not having friends and doing things by myself but now I can't anymore. I don't want to see another decade anymore. Seeing everyone I grew up with getting married is just reminder of how all my life I have been that girl now woman who never is a guys number 1 choice, the woman who has never been someone's crush or love interst, the woman who has never had a man say I love you. I will always be the unwanted woman I am not living this existence anymore, an existence or failure in everything.

More and more suicide is the way out and the answer to absolutely everything. There is no light at the end of tunnel for me. My life I don't want it anymore. I want to stop existing. Life is an overrated existence. All my life I have struggled to fit in and now it makes sense life was never for me. I don't belong here in this world

Yes, life is deeply overrated. And the longer I stay here the more of a fool I feel that I am. I hope you find the peace you're looking for soon.

 

[AllMyDreams]

I am way behind my peers too (and I was a high achiever in high school). What worked for me honestly was just deleting all social media and stopping myself from comparing... It is such a hard thing to do but I just say to myself I'm me, I'm behind everyone because of my genetics and life circumstances, that's life and I now can just do the best I can.

Anyway you're still in a master's program unlike the vast majority of the population, which is pretty cool. Maybe you'll meet someone there. I mean it's normal these days to do master's degrees late and get married late. But worst case, you finish your master's degree and you don't have a man, and that sucks, but at least you'll have a career that you (hopefully) like, and can focus on that?

 

[FireFox]

Yes, life is deeply overrated. And the longer I stay here the more of a fool I feel that I am. I hope you find the peace you're looking for soon.

@Lifeaffirmingchoice Worst of all when you reach out for help and companionship other non mentally illl people don't care enough to listen and society wants me to live in this world.

Being a single woman is so lonely even other women especially those in relationships don't care about us, dismiss our pain of longing to be loved and I have experienced other women hating me and bullying me. Earlier this year I experienced bullying from other women who were single like me and now think they are better than everyone because they found a man.

I left a digital detox discord group that promotes wellness because some of the members were just judgmental people who blamed me for ALL my own problems of being single already knowing I was depressed and suicidal due to a lifetime of male rejection and being humiliated by men.

● One White woman let's call her A - She said I need to "put myself out there". I already explained I have the natural confidence to talk to people but all my life guys ignored me and dont want to know me. She responded saying "use dating apps". I explained I don't feel comfortable using dating apps because me being a black woman growing up my whole life I have experienced never being seen as pretty while racial groups got desired even men of my own race harassed me and abused me while they were always nicer to the white women and girls. I read dating apps have a very low succes rate for black women I don't want to go through a competition I won't win. She is a white woman, she doesn't get how hard it is for black women to find love due to society and men attracted to eurocentric standards of beauty.

She proceeds to criticise me for my poor "attitude" and how its my fault I am single. She went on about her experiences of not being attractive and having a facial swelling deformity and how she met her husband on a dating app. Not everyone is lucky as she is

Another woman let's call her B- she talked about her experiences of male rejection and how she "never let it get to her". She says she has husband now and how" I need to put myself out there". This same woman went on about the city we both live in having free therapy and how I am not trying. These free therapies and low cost options have restrictions which i dont meet criteria for. I have had issues navatigating healthcare in this country I am not going through it again.

● Another user let's call him C- He said how I need to go gym, "put myself out there" and wear make up. I don't need gym I slim build already and I am very feminine in how I dress. He kept acting as if it was so easy for a woman to find a man.

 

[Lifeaffirmingchoice]

Yes, it's quite hopeless with internalized misogyny in women and racism. You're not wrong in feeling the way you do. I've seen how black men denigrate block women, it seems all groups use black women as their whipping girl. I'm so sorry. And you're not lying that statistically bw are less desired by men of all races though obviously that doesn't speak to the worth of bw but to racism.

Sadly I don't see any of these things going away any time soon. Knowing how much people suffer due to nonsensical injustice such as this is a huge part of why I want to ctb and have peace from it all.