I took my SN yesterday. Willing to answer questions

[LookingOverTheEdge]

As title says, yesterday hit me hard. I essentially got confirmation that the one bit of hope that had been keeping me functioning, was a tremendous lie. And I suppose I'd been lying to myself as well.

I mix the glass of sn. I gather a few mementos around me, of people I loved and some I still do. And I lay down in my bed to focus my mind. The first glass is sat there staring at me, and SI kicks in. I wrestle with it, I lose.

An hour later. I win. I go to the kitchen, I mix more. And I throw it back without hesitation at all. I say goodbye to someone who means everything to me. I hear their heart breaking. I feel terrible about this, but I'm finally doing something for me. My choice.

I go back to my bed, and lay down. Wait for oblivion. This is at roughly 4.30pm.
Fast forward to 3AM. Roughly fifteen minutes ago. I become aware of something digging into my back. A photo frame, and I realise I'm still here. I don't have the words to describe that. It's a torrent of emotions.

Anyway. I took the Sn. I felt the affects. I lived the mindset of knowing I had just taken a poison to kill me. While I wish I wasn't still here, I'm willing to answer any questions anyone may have. May as well have something good come out of it

 

[Mofreeko]

How much did you take? Did you follow protocol? Did you fast for at least 8 hours? Did you have a backup glass? How are you well enough to be on here just a day later?

 

[LookingOverTheEdge]

How much did you take? Did you follow protocol? Did you fast for at least 8 hours? Did you have a backup glass? How are you well enough to be on here just a day later?

All good questions. I had fasted for over 8 hours. So that bit was definitely ticked off. The rest was all a bit hurried if I'm honest. I took two propranolol and a powerful sleeping pill, maybe half hour to an hour before I drank the SN. I did have a backup glass, but I never vomited. So I didn't drink it. I would estimate I took about two and a half teaspoons maybe. Don't know what that is as a measurement. As I said, I was in a bit of a strange frame of mind. Thinking clearly, but not clearly at the same time.
However much that is, I certainly felt the effects on my body, and I still do now.

 

[wantittoendsoon]

that is my fear, a failed attempt is my worst nightmare

 

[Mofreeko]

All good questions. I had fasted for over 8 hours. So that bit was definitely ticked off. The rest was all a bit hurried if I'm honest. I took two propranolol and a powerful sleeping pill, maybe half hour to an hour before I drank the SN. I did have a backup glass, but I never vomited. So I didn't drink it. I would estimate I took about two and a half teaspoons maybe. Don't know what that is as a measurement. As I said, I was in a bit of a strange frame of mind. Thinking clearly, but not clearly at the same time.
However much that is, I certainly felt the effects on my body, and I still do now.

So let me get this straight. You took two and half tea spoons of SN, didn't vomit, slept it off and woke up 15 minutes ago and you're just typing away on this forum?

 

[👁️👃👁️]

That's it! So tired of hearing failure stories it's scaring me! I'm done! I'm not drinking SN anymore! I'm gonna boof it!

 

[NoLightRemains]

Did you test the SN before?

 

[LookingOverTheEdge]

So let me get this straight. You took two and half tea spoons of SN, didn't vomit, slept it off and woke up 15 minutes ago and you're just typing away on this forum?

Yes. That is exactly the case. Because I know that at some point very soon I'm going to have to have some very difficult conversations with people in my life. Conversations I didn't anticipate being here to have.

I love this place. It has given me a space to talk about things that are really on my mind with no fear of judgement. It's very precious to me. I see people all the time who desperately want to know if SN is going to hurt. Or what they feel like while it takes effect. I have now lived this. And I'm willing to answer as best I can. Right now, the thought being able to contribute some information to the collective knowledge is keeping my mind from the horrible places that I know it's going to go eventually.

It genuinely doesn't matter to me if you believe me or not. That's up to you. I guess maybe I'd be suspicious too. What you do with what I have to say is up to you. But I swear, every word I have said or will say is the truth.

that is my fear, a failed attempt is my worst nightmare

It is a horrific feeling. I was calm, and I was ready. I knew what was happening in my body and I accepted it. To wake up after that, is pure torture.

 

[Mofreeko]

Yes. That is exactly the case. Because I know that at some point very soon I'm going to have to have some very difficult conversations with people in my life. Conversations I didn't anticipate being here to have.

I love this place. It has given me a space to talk about things that are really on my mind with no fear of judgement. It's very precious to me. I see people all the time who desperately want to know if SN is going to hurt. Or what they feel like while it takes effect. I have now lived this. And I'm willing to answer as best I can. Right now, the thought being able to contribute some information to the collective knowledge is keeping my mind from the horrible places that I know it's going to go eventually.

It genuinely doesn't matter to me if you believe me or not. That's up to you. I guess maybe I'd be suspicious too. What you do with what I have to say is up to you. But I swear, every word I have said or will say is the truth.

It is a horrific feeling. I was calm, and I was ready. I knew what was happening in my body and I accepted it. To wake up after that, is pure torture.

I personally don't believe you at all. Everyone else on here can make up their own minds.

 

[LookingOverTheEdge]

Did you test the SN before?

I did the blood test. As far as I can tell it is fully legit. And matches with the research I had done on the chemical and method

 

[👁️👃👁️]

Sure it was Nitrite?

 

[LookingOverTheEdge]

I personally don't believe you at all. Everyone else on here can make up their own minds.

That's fine. I take no offence. I would fully advise people to question everything in life, and I guess in death.

You're welcome to your opinion my friend, if anybody else wants to know what it all felt like, and how my body feels now, I'm happy to explain as best I can. Soon I'm going to have a horrible phone call to make and at that point I don't think I'll be here for a while

Sure it was Nitrite?

Absolutely. As certain as any of us could reasonably be. Matches all the research I've done on the chemical. A lot of the symptoms lined up perfectly as described. Blood test looked correct.
I'm no scientist, but I'm as sure as I could reasonably be

 

[Nanako]

One thing that all failed attempts have in common is that the people who drank it vomited almost immediately. Your case is extraordinary to say the least... lol

 

[Mofreeko]

One thing that all failed attempts have in common is that the people who drank it vomited almost immediately. Your case is extraordinary to say the least... lol

Maybe he forgot to add the SN and just drank tap water lol

 

[LookingOverTheEdge]

One thing that all failed attempts have in common is that the people who drank it vomited almost immediately. Your case is extraordinary to say the least... lol

I didn't actually find the taste to be too bad. And while I was lying in my bed, I definitely felt like my body was aiming to vomit, for quite some time, but I was trying to keep calm with my breathing and my state of mind and I refused to give in to it if that makes sense. I'm sure most of us have done that at some point after drinking a ton of alcohol :)

Maybe he forgot to add the SN and just drank tap water lol

Listen mate. You're welcome to not believe me. But there's no need to insult me is there? I know what I did. And it's hard enough that I'm still here talking.
Feel free not to comment, but don't insult me please.

 

[Nanako]

Maybe he forgot to add the SN and just drank tap water lol

That reminds me of this one guy on here who took a tiny amount of SN with 2 liters of water and failed, predictably.

 

[👁️👃👁️]

One thing that all failed attempts have in common is that the people who drank it vomited almost immediately. Your case is extraordinary to say the least... lol

Can you provide some proof of this?

 

[NoLightRemains]

Did you have any signs of trouble breathing, feeling lightheaded, or blue/gray lips/extremities? Any burning sensations or abdominal pain? Any tachycardia?

I appreciate you being open to answering questions. Sorry you are in this situation.

 

[👁️👃👁️]

That reminds me of this one guy on here who took a tiny amount of SN with 2 liters of water and failed, predictably.

He took Sodium Nitrate. Not nitrite.

 

[LookingOverTheEdge]

Wow. I am genuinely here trying to share some knowledge and experience. I was well aware that people could be skeptical, but look at what I'm writing. Check my post history. I've always been open, and honest and spoke as truthfully as I can. I'm not hear telling you I was in tremendous pain and you should not take SN like some pro lifer.
If you don't want to ask me anything, and you simply refuse to believe me, that's fine. Just go away

 

[Nanako]

Can you provide some proof of this?

I saw it in a thread compiling experiences from people in here who took SN. Most of them failed because they were found before it could take effect, but a couple of others failed because they vomited too soon or mixed it with too much water. I don't remember which thread it was sorry.

 

[👁️👃👁️]

I saw it in a thread compiling experiences from people in here who took SN. Most of them failed because they were found before it could take effect, but a couple of others failed because they vomited too soon or mixed it with too much water. I don't remember which thread it was sorry.

@calavera They used Sodium Nitrate.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/sn-failure.31351/

 

[jessisme]

Did you have a headache, rapid heartbeat, abdominal pain, ringing in the ears, any of these symptoms they say are common to SN poisoning?

 

[aforestfire]

i mean, drinking alcohol is not the same thing as drinking sn. you're drinking poison, literally, you're body will try to purge it out in a way or another; is not something you can control.
but there are cases and cases, i guess.

a question, are you feeling anything now? do you plan going to the hospital?

 

[LookingOverTheEdge]

Did you have any signs of trouble breathing, feeling lightheaded, or blue/gray lips/extremities? Any burning sensations or abdominal pain? Any tachycardia?

I appreciate you being open to answering questions. Sorry you are in this situation.

Breathing was strained and still is. I'm having trouble moving around at the moment. My legs especially feel very weak.

Tachycardia was definitely there. And very noticeable despite the propranolol. I can fully understand why people might call for help when that kicks in. At this moment, which is near twelve hours later, that isn't present any more.

I definitely felt light headed. And I could feel my extremities getting colder, and almost numb, before I passed out. I was in a very dark room, with a sleep mask on. I didn't not check for colouration. I wanted to pass out as soon as possible.

There was pain in my abdomen, but It wasn't particularly bad at all. Very tolerable. That said I do have a high pain threshold so maybe that makes a difference? That is still present now. Along with pain n the muscles of my legs.

 

[Nanako]

@calavera They used Sodium Nitrate.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/sn-failure.31351/

"2days ago I drank 20g of sodium nitrite mixed with water, the taste was so awful I drank 1,5l of water with it. I remembered that I have 50mg of quetiapine, took it and fell asleep. Sadly I woke up after an hour and vomited, but mostly water. Slept again hoping I won't wake up this morning... I did. The worst day of my life. Out of desperation took about 20g of sodium nitrAte [...]"

He says he took nitrite first? Can't be a typo, he even emphasized the A in his second attempt.

 

[Mofreeko]

Ok, so this guy says he took two and a half tea spoons. That's around 10.5 grams which is less than half of the recommended 25. However, 10.5 grams is still enough to put the average person in the hospital, @icetea15 wound up in the hospital with just two grams. The way SN works is it is both a strong oxidizer and a strong vasodilator. It converts hemoglobin into methemoglobin and also dilates your veins which drops your blood pressure drastically. It's also a cumulative effect as more and more of your blood becomes unusable to transport oxygen to your tissues. You don't just wake up from that and instantly go onto a suicide forum to tell everyone about your nifty SN attempt. This post is bogus.

 

[Wannagonow]

That's it! So tired of hearing failure stories it's scaring me! I'm done! I'm not drinking SN anymore! I'm gonna boof it!

It would appear the intent of at least some posts IS to scare people. Multiple posts in last couple of weeks have seemed to be sketchy. No disrespect to OP. Sorry you had a bad experience. Just making a general observation.

 

[👁️👃👁️]

"2days ago I drank 20g of sodium nitrite mixed with water, the taste was so awful I drank 1,5l of water with it. I remembered that I have 50mg of quetiapine, took it and fell asleep. Sadly I woke up after an hour and vomited, but mostly water. Slept again hoping I won't wake up this morning... I did. The worst day of my life. Out of desperation took about 20g of sodium nitrAte [...]"

He says he took nitrite first? Can't be a typo, he even emphasized the A in his second attempt.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/using-nitrate-instead-of-nitrite.28365/

 

[LookingOverTheEdge]

i mean, drinking alcohol is not the same thing as drinking sn. you're drinking poison, literally, you're body will try to purge it out in a way or another; is not something you can control.
but there are cases and cases, i guess.

a question, are you feeling anything now? do you plan going to the hospital?

As I said. My body definitely wanted to throw up. I still that as well. But I didn't, and I'm fairly sure I'm not the only person who's reported that as a symptom. Different people are affected in different ways I guess

I still feel very strange. As previously said I'm finding it difficult to move around a lot. My body feels very weak and sort of strained if that makes sense?

I'm not going to the hospital. That's my worst fear, being involuntarily held. In an ideal world I would hope I'm not out of the woods yet and I might still end here, but honestly I don't think that's the case now.