Venting I told my therapy team fuck

[clavicals]

So I have plans to ctb next week.
I've had the worst time this past year with a particular therapist who is part of a team like it's been pretty unethical. The rest of the team have been fine.

I planned to leave the service but they noticed I wasn't doing well and were worried about me leaving. I want to leave so that my ctb doesn't reflect badly on the service/program but I got told today that it's going to take weeks for it to process.

My therapist asked me straight out if I had plans to ctb and I have this fucked up trauma about lying so after a long silence I said yes but that I wouldn't give them any details. So now they're all trying to save me and I'm feeling awful about it but also this could have been prevented months ago.

I really want to ctb on my birthday, that feels v important to me but also want to protect the service. I feel like they will end up convincing me to stay if I don't do it which I really don't want bc I would be doing it for them and not for me and will end up having to do it after.

Any insight?

 

[Dayrain]

Oh my god, sorry, but don't worry so much about others, not to say protect them. And what are you trying to protect them from? It's part of their job that they fail. CTB is about that we are not owned by anybody, is it? Maybe just don't set yourself a too strict timeline, so you can leave the service in order.

 

[outrider567]

So I have plans to ctb next week.
I've had the worst time this past year with a particular therapist who is part of a team like it's been pretty unethical. The rest of the team have been fine.

I planned to leave the service but they noticed I wasn't doing well and were worried about me leaving. I want to leave so that my ctb doesn't reflect badly on the service/program but I got told today that it's going to take weeks for it to process.

My therapist asked me straight out if I had plans to ctb and I have this fucked up trauma about lying so after a long silence I said yes but that I wouldn't give them any details. So now they're all trying to save me and I'm feeling awful about it but also this could have been prevented months ago.

I really want to ctb on my birthday, that feels v important to me but also want to protect the service. I feel like they will end up convincing me to stay if I don't do it which I really don't want bc I would be doing it for them and not for me and will end up having to do it after.

Any insight?

I would never tell anyone my plans to CTB, and I would not really care about any service/program's reputation in any circumstance anyway

 

[nyee]

one could see it as a call for help when you tell your plans to someone. I don't think anyone should decide for you as it is ultimately your decision, but I would recommend putting yourself first. So what do you want to do?

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

You have to do what's best for you, people die everyday and in every second there is someone dying and that's the reality of life. Death is inevitable for everyone and it is the destination for all of us. Suicide should never be looked down tbh it is what just what it is.

Personally I would never tell anyone of my ctb plans and when I plan to do it, some things are best left unsaid.

 

[90starve]

im so sorry - you are too kind to be human! i think that ultimately the decision to CTB is your own. all you can really do here is reflect and think on what options you have - perhaps make a good ol' fashioned pros and cons list.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Primarily it's your own decision whether you want to ctb or not. It's dangerous to tell any therapists about actual ideas / plans that can lead to more difficulties unfortunately. I hope you can find peace!

 

[MrDarkness]

It's your choice, we didn't get to choose to brought into this world but we should be allowed to die if we wanted to, I hope you find peace

 

[FuneralCry]

I guess that after all if you want to ctb then that's your decision, the reality is that whatever happens in this world after one has left could never be of concern to the person who is no longer existing, we all have our right to die but anyway I wish you the best.