Story I told my brother about my suicide plan

[Pen>Sword]

Disclaimer: I will not reveal or mention what SS and ITC is.

He chuckled, not because he doesn't care (he cares about me a lot), but he thinks that it's impossible for me to carry out my plan. I told him about SN, then he asked where I can buy one? I didn't answer. He then chuckled again. He told my younger brother when he came in, asking what we've been talking about. He told him that I have a suicide plan.

Little does he know, I do have SN in possession.

I feel guilty because this is a suicide threat. I know that I'm the dick here. My brother has been helping me a lot with my nursing assignments to ease my stress. He suggested counselling, but it doesn't work for me. I don't want medication because for some odd reason, I don't want this suicidal feeling to go away because I want to die sooner than wait for my natural death.

You might be wondering why I said it. Idk either, maybe it's a cry for help? I don't want to live anymore! Nursing school is getting tougher now, and I barely passed last semester. I have failed an exam, and I need 80% to make up for it. Student loans will not cover my education if I failed or drop out the nursing program. This is suffocating me.

 

[FuneralCry]

I never see it as a good idea to tell family members about plans to ctb. They can get in the way and make it difficult for you to ctb. I'm sorry that you are going through so much stress, I understand it is impossible to carry on when you are under pressure. I could also never wait for natural death, I cannot do this for decades. I hope you find peace.

 

[C_F]

If you do CTB, because you told him beforehand, he is going to feel some absolutely insane lifelong guilt for doing nothing except chuckling.

Figure out how you can ease that for him. Maybe a note saying there was nothing anyone could do to stop you. (even if that's not true).

 

[eternalmelancholy]

If you do CTB, because you told him beforehand, he is going to feel some absolutely insane lifelong guilt for doing nothing except chuckling.

Figure out how you can ease that for him. Maybe a note saying there was nothing anyone could do to stop you. (even if that's not true).

So do people normally leave notes when they CTB? I guess I never saw the point because people will make up their own interpretations even if you leave explicit reasons.

I think it is unreasonable to live in misery and torment just to spare the feelings of others. They will move on eventually.

 

[Ironweed]

So do people normally leave notes when they CTB? I guess I never saw the point because people will make up their own interpretations even if you leave explicit reasons.

I think about one in three suicides leave notes/voicemails/videos. So it probably even lower than that since some number of suicides -- nobody knows how many -- are called accidents officially.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

I think about one in three suicides leave notes/voicemails/videos. So it probably even lower than that since some number of suicides -- nobody knows how many -- are called accidents officially.

People go missing and unreported in massive numbers each year. They just vanish. I suspect a lot of these are suicides and not necessarily nefarious acts of crime like kidnapping/murder/etc.

If the true number of suicides were known I think it would shock people how common it really is.

 

[Smart No More]

What's ITC?

I of course know what SS is but can't work out ITC.

 

[user_name_here]

People go missing and unreported in massive numbers each year. They just vanish. I suspect a lot of these are suicides and not necessarily nefarious acts of crime like kidnapping/murder/etc.

If the true number of suicides were known I think it would shock people how common it really is.

I've often wondered if this is the case with so many of these missing persons cases. Countless incidents of people just disappearing off the face of the earth. So many in North America.

 

[Pen>Sword]

What's ITC?

I of course know what SS is but can't work out ITC.

You can ask somebody else by private message, but here's a hint: it's a website that sells SN.

If you do CTB, because you told him beforehand, he is going to feel some absolutely insane lifelong guilt for doing nothing except chuckling.

Figure out how you can ease that for him. Maybe a note saying there was nothing anyone could do to stop you. (even if that's not true).

I have written my suicide note months ago. I made sure that they will not blame themselves.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

I've often wondered if this is the case with so many of these missing persons cases. Countless incidents of people just disappearing off the face of the earth. So many in North America.

There are so many places in NA to ctb and never be found. Venture outside cities and population centers and it becomes the wilderness real quick.

 

[Smart No More]

@No_Comply bit off topic, just looking at your avatar pic, I can't work out if there's a front shove or just an odd/no foot olly onto the 5.0 on the bench. It's been bugging me since I first saw it a few days ago lol. So thought I'd ask. :)

You can ask somebody else by private message, but here's a hint: it's a website that sells SN.

I have written my suicide note months ago. I made sure that they will not blame themselves.

Thank you.

 

[user_name_here]

@No_Comply bit off topic, just looking at your avatar pic, I can't work out if there's a front shove or just an odd/no foot olly onto the 5.0 on the bench. It's been bugging me since I first saw it a few days ago lol. So thought I'd ask. :)

Thank you.

Haha, yeah well spotted. That part of the animation almost skips a frame. I think it's just a quick Ollie coming off the lip, but it looks like a foot comes off but the board doesn't spin, so perhaps an Ollie south, or Ollie north?

Apologies OP, sorry to sidetrack or derail

If you do CTB, because you told him beforehand, he is going to feel some absolutely insane lifelong guilt for doing nothing except chuckling.

Figure out how you can ease that for him. Maybe a note saying there was nothing anyone could do to stop you. (even if that's not true).

OP please really take a sec to conceptualise this. It could be very torturous for your brother

 

[Pen>Sword]

OP please really take a sec to conceptualise this. It could be very torturous for your brother

You're right. Fuck, what's wrong with me?

 

[Smart No More]

Yeah, I would second that sentiment. It's an easy enough thing to add to your note. Like a "hey, remember that day? I knew you didn't realise how serious I was." kind of thing. I would say keep it short and simple though. I read something about leaving a great suicide note and there were a couple of no no's listed. They were ro leave no "sorrys" and no "please don't balme yourself's". The reason being that if the reader didn't already blame themselves they might start to blame themselves because the seed has been sown in the note. Similarly if you leave any sorries that they don't hold you responsible for they will be in anguish that they can't correct you and tell you there is no need to apologise therefore putting them in a position of unquenchable guilt.

I imagine if you search "how to write an excellent suicide note" or similar you'll find the same thing I did.

 

[user_name_here]

You're right. Fuck, what's wrong with me?

I don't think anythings wrong with you, you quickly put it into perspective so your well intended. Just in an unfortunate position like many of us. It sucks, and it hurts my heart reading threads like yours everyday even though I'm here to CTB myself.

 

[irememberinnocence]

I just want you to know that there are other occupations if nursing school isn't for you. In my country we have a shortage of trades people eg builders electricians etc because everyone thinks they have to go to university. Most of my siblings chose not to go to university and have found their own paths forward. Not everyone has an academic mind and that's ok.

 

[Pen>Sword]

I just want you to know that there are other occupations if nursing school isn't for you. In my country we have a shortage of trades people eg builders electricians etc because everyone thinks they have to go to university. Most of my siblings chose not to go to university and have found their own paths forward. Not everyone has an academic mind and that's ok.

Thanks. I'm from Canada and I know that too. The main reason why nursing isn't a fit for me is because I'm slow AF, and i lack critical thinking. I said that I'm interested to go to trades, and he said I need to be fast moving in I'm entering the field. He asked me which trade I want to go, I didn't answer, then he chuckled.

I've had multiple employers that fired me because I'm too slow. I'm afraid life is not for me because I don't fit in the workforce.

 

[irememberinnocence]

I don't see why one person's opinion should stop you from doing what you'd like though, even if it is someone you value. Why would a person have to be fast moving to enter the trades, I don't understand. Maybe for something like being a builder. But other trades are about precision rather than quick movement. Such as plumbing or electrician.

Besides, the trades encompasses a pretty wide range of jobs. You can be a milker on a dairy farm, an advertising content writer, an HR person, a graphic artist, and the list goes on.

I'd encourage you to believe in yourself. Family members often say things that are well meaning but wrong. You simply have to follow your own heart, try out things and experiment for yourself.

I can't change your decision if you decide to end your life. But if I was in your shoes I'd stay alive to try find the training or work environment that does click for you..

I had a lot of different and interesting jobs through my twenties (part time, was too ill to work fulltime), and I don't regret it. Especially as borders open back up even work and travel could be an option.

 

[Pen>Sword]

I don't see why one person's opinion should stop you from doing what you'd like though, even if it is someone you value. Why would a person have to be fast moving to enter the trades, I don't understand. Maybe for something like being a builder. But other trades are about precision rather than quick movement. Such as plumbing or electrician.

Besides, the trades encompasses a pretty wide range of jobs. You can be a milker on a dairy farm, an advertising content writer, an HR person, a graphic artist, and the list goes on.

I'd encourage you to believe in yourself. Family members often say things that are well meaning but wrong. You simply have to follow your own heart, try out things and experiment for yourself.

I can't change your decision if you decide to end your life. But if I was in your shoes I'd stay alive to try find the training or work environment that does click for you..

I had a lot of different and interesting jobs through my twenties (part time, was too ill to work fulltime), and I don't regret it. Especially as borders open back up even work and travel could be an option.

Thanks, I needed that. I don't know what will happen to me. But if I'm willing to live again, I will think of this.