Venting I told my bro that i’m living because they’re forcing me to.

[depressedlover]

I just had a deep conversation with my bro and it's like he figured out my plans in someway but i had to deny everything.For the first time i felt bitter and told him i'm alive because they're forcing me to live for them and it's selfish.I feel bad to have said that,especially to him since he's younger and haven't gotten over dad's death yet it's almost a year.I'm trying to push away the only two people i care about in this life.I just don't want them to hurt when i'm gone.I love them but i'm no longer happy and there's nothing they can do to change it.I want to be with my love.I'm trying to sort them out by ensuring my brother has a good start up when i'm gone but he's feeling i'm rushing it.He specifically said "you're doing this as if there's a deadline " which is true.
Then there's mum who i don't communicate with frequently,i'm cutting off ties,it's better this way,so that when i'm gone she'll not have hard time adjusting the way i did when my love died.I feel overwhelmed because i don't want them to go through what i'm going through now,it's really hard living life without my love/my friend and personal person.
I'm glad my two best friends deserted me when i lost my love,at least i got to know i had fake friends and that's one worry down.
I just need this to end…i just want to be with my love,why is it hard for people to understand ?? Sorry for ranting about my life

 

[Valky]

Don't be sorry, it is totally valid to feel this way, yet, I genuinly don't think that you are helping your mom by pushing her away. I see your pain bc of how it went with your s/o but the pain you are inflicting by pushing her away before ctb seems even worse.

 

[depressedlover]

Don't be sorry, it is totally valid to feel this way, yet, I genuinly don't think that you are helping your mom by pushing her away. I see your pain bc of how it went with your s/o but the pain you are inflicting by pushing her away before ctb seems even worse.

What should i do? because nothing feels right? I just wish i could leave my body and go away.

 

[FuneralCry]

The reality is that nobody should be forced to exist in this world, suicide should be a personal choice that can only be made by the individual, of course many non suicidal people won't even try to understand but that's just the way that things are. I always see it as being a terrible idea being so open about wanting to die but anyway best wishes.

 

[depressedlover]

I might have just got carried away when i was giving explanations,that's the reason i rarely open up,because i never want to hurt anyone.I remember one member said that,one side will have to hurt in the long run because no action seems right for both parties.

 

[Valky]

What should i do? because nothing feels right? I just wish i could leave my body and go away.

You don't need to tell her if you don't want to. But let her know that you love and appreciate her and that it is not her fault and that she has done everything in her powers to help you. By pushing her away it seems more like loading the blame onto her. That is just my insight on the situation :)

 

[depressedlover]

You don't need to tell her if you don't want to. But let her know that you love and appreciate her and that it is not her fault and that she has done everything in her powers to help you. By pushing her away it seems more like loading the blame onto her. That is just my insight on the situation :)

Thanks for your insight,it means alot :)