I think we need to break up

[Nyx𓂀]

we have been together for a year and a bit and I don't have anyone to talk to and really don't know what to do anymore.
when we got together we had already been friends for a while (like a year or 2) and in that time he didn't know about any of my terrible mental health. a month or so into our relationship he convinced me to be more open with that sort of stuff to him and yeah. well not long after that I attempted to ctb, that plus a whole range of other stuff that I won't get into now lead to him feeling like it was all his fault (which it wasn't) and blaming himself. this eventually ended up cultivating into emotional trauma for him which completely destroyed his already not great mental space.
now a year and 3 attempts later I no longer tell him anything about how I'm feeling, and haven't for a while. it's makes it very hard to have anything other than surface level conversions which I know is my fault.

I am also not a very good person to be in a relationship with. like I am a very emotionally innert person whilst he has feeling coming out the wazoo, so anytime I try to help him he gets annoyed at me for trying to use logic which like idk how else to help. He is also not very good at receiving boundaries. like I cannot deal with physical touch, like it just ugh I can't, but he is a very touchy person. when I try to bring it up it, it either ends up with me apologising for saying anything or him agreeing but not changing anything and then getting annoyed when I flinch from him. he also knows I am very much an introvert (he is extremely extroverted) and still forces me to go to parties and stuff and then guilt trips me for feeling bad when I am there.
also with all that's going on in me head I'm really not emotionally available in the ways he wants me to be, but when I bring that up he just says ok but still makes me feel bad when I can't act how he wants me to.

also with his now bad mental health I know that leaving him will make him feel so bad. and I've been trying to get him some help but if I leave he won't get it by himself.

if I break up with him it was also make me even more alone than I am now. all the total of 2 friends I have i made through him and have both told me "that if you hurt him I will kill you" and they have been friends so much longer so they r def not going to side with me. also him being so popular people who just know of our relationship will side with him and hate me for it.
I really have no one to talk to bc if I even mention anything bad abt our relationship those friends just say it's my fault and stuff. thye then tell him and then he freaks out abt me breaking up with him and I end up feeling bad and apologising for mentioning it.

so yeah I really don't know what to do. I feel like it would be better for the both of us if we broke up. like he wouldn't be continually let down and I won't have all that shit looming over me. but the amount of downsides that come with it I just don't know.
I don't know what to do, really need help and have no one to talk to about it. but thanks for reading this far I guess

 

[LittleCupcake]

Just leave, he obvs doesnt respect you and neither does his friends. Its just a bad circle you shouldnt get involved in, if you need to call the police for a restraining order against his friends that threatened you.

Hope you figure it out

 

[SexyIncél]

Oh holy shit, this guy sounds like a clusterfuck. I don't see a likely scenario where a relationship between you two ends up particularly well. At best, tolerable. (Which may be ok for you.) At this point, you may have to decide based on what's best for you — regardless of his input

After all, he only gets to participate in your decisionmaking in proportion to how much he can communicate with you. A "relationship" is a responsibility & requires teamwork skills. Otherwise dysfunction happens, and he should bear some brunt of it

If you decide to break up: then the trick is the implementation. Like avoiding damaging fallout — for example, his aggressive friends. And maybe you can help him find a replacement; that's what I do with people

 

[Grumble]

So what if his friends side with him? So what if people blame you for the breakup. What's going to happen? Were they joking when they said they'd kill you, or is there a serious threat?

Do you guys go to school together? Work together? In each other's social circles or connected through family? Are you neighbours? After the breakup, how often will you have to see him and his friends?

Sounds like you're straight-up incompatible with each other and the only question is, like the person above said, how to implement the break-up.

 

[Life_and_Death]

you definitely deserve better than that

 

[Kit1]

you definitely deserve better than that

Agreed

 

[Nyx𓂀]

Were they joking when they said they'd kill you, or is there a serious threat?

it wasn't like they were actually going to murder me but it def wasn't an empty joke.

you definitely deserve better than that

thank you, but I've done so much shit to him idk what I deserve anymore.

If you decide to break up: then the trick is the implementation. Like avoiding damaging fallout — for example, his aggressive friends. And maybe you can help him find a replacement; that's what I do with people

I think I will. well idk I think. I have no clue how to even go about that tho. like how do I do it without him freaking tf out bc I know he won't take it well so how do I do it the nicest was to him (fuck that kinda makes no sense sorry my brain is everwhere rn)

 

[Life_and_Death]

thank you, but I've done so much shit to him idk what I deserve anymore.

that doesnt mean you deserve it , ive done lots of bad things to my bf but hes never done anything to hurt me or get even or anything like that. instead he loved me and forgave me and im working on myself so im not like that anymore. theres more than 1 way to handle a situation, and his way, isnt it. theres no reason for him to be crossing your boundaries and making you feel uncomfortable. if he doesnt like it he has every right to leave, not treat you poorly back.