Lack of life is lack of suffering. I wish I knew what it was like to live a physical life on Earth without any torment and suffering and the human race was compassionate, loving, and kind. I want to know what living is like where beings can't comprehend putting others and each other through distress, war, and violence. Technically, suicide is the end to all earthly problems like a weak body. But I feel like if I took that phrase to heart, I wouldn't improve as a human being. I'm sorry if that doesn't make sense or sounds weird but as much as I want to die, I want to be kinder and learn more about people in a way. But those desires don't override my will to die.