Venting I think I'm starting to "recover" by accepting that I deserve to suffer as much and long as possible

[KillingPain267]

I deserve to be punished and suffer as much as possible, so I need to hold off on killing myself in order to prolong the suffering I deserve. I can't just sit here and complain and wonder why I suffer. It makes no sense! I've GOT TO believe I deserve everything coming my way in order to not lose my mind. I am a vase made for the sole purpose of being smashed to pieces rather than displayed as beautiful deco.

 

[divinemistress36]

Why do you believe you need to suffer?

 

[KillingPain267]

Why do you believe you need to suffer?

Because otherwise it makes no sense that I'm living and suffering

 

[Aspiring Mushroom]

Because otherwise it makes no sense that I'm living and suffering

I understand that feeling. Blaming myself for all of my problems is one of my coping strategies too, because I'm terrified to believe the universe is just cruel and unfair.