I think I'm just done. I'm supposed to be starting treatment soon (partial hospitalization program), but I still need to work because I can't afford it without income and insurance, and my job is just not working out. I have no idea what I'm doing, and people are asking me for things, and I'm saying I'll get them done when I know I won't because I don't know how. They made it sound like there would be actual training and support, but there isn't. I just have to figure everything out on my own, and I'm not in any kind of mental state to be able to do that even if I were theoretically capable. And if I quit, not only will I no longer have access to treatment, but my wife will hate me so much that she will make me miserable (it's happened before when I was unemployed/underemployed in the past), and I don't think I can survive that for long. The only skills I have are extremely specific, so it's not the kind of thing where I can just go get another job in a week.
I don't know. I'm not sure if I'm really ready to die - I would like to at least try to improve things first, at least go through with treatment - but I honestly just don't see any other way. I hate that all I do is let people down.
Thanks for reading - I'm new to SS, so I hope this post is OK.
I don't know. I'm not sure if I'm really ready to die - I would like to at least try to improve things first, at least go through with treatment - but I honestly just don't see any other way. I hate that all I do is let people down.
Thanks for reading - I'm new to SS, so I hope this post is OK.
