likeacatinthedark
Member
- May 20, 2026
- 8
I'll probably find a way by tonight. I read an interesting way on here to essentially strangulate yourself with household objects. I forgot the name, but it seems pretty promising. I would have to practice though. My boyfriend just made it very clear and said to my face that I am not a priority for him at all and everything else is of higher importance than me, no matter how trivial that thing is. I pretty much mean nothing to him. It would be wrong to say that I want to die because of him, and it would be foolish of me to feel that way as well. Of course I don't wanna die just because a boy doesn't like me and is too immature to act with intention. But I would be lying if I said that wasn't a huge factor these days. I've experienced similar things in my previous relationship too. Cheating, gaslighting, neglect, fake promises, the works. Honestly, I think I also just feel really ridiculous for believing anything he said in the first place. Anything good, at least. I was really completely stupid. And I have so much shame within me because of that as well. I don't want to live this life, having to face these memories and their consequences for the rest of my life. I need a complete reset, a fresh start, a new chance at a new life. I can only get that right now if I CTB. No other options. It feels strange. I've struggled to fight against these thoughts my whole life, believing (or maybe just hoping) that it would all be worth it. Now, I find myself succumbing to this demon in my head, who's controlled every part of my life and made it unbearably miserable. I do not, however, feel fear the way I used to. Or even guilt, for that matter, over leaving my mother and my sister behind. I feel completely detached from life, people, the world, and myself. I hope I can finally go through with it. Don't know exactly when, but definitely as soon as the opportunity presents itself.
Hope was handed to me once again since the last time I posted here, but its illusion has been shattered once more, as always, and I don't think I can take more of it. I don't even think it's fair.
I'm tired of being called crazy, in a world where everyone adamantly refuses to try to understand me.
I know I will not be missed.
Hope was handed to me once again since the last time I posted here, but its illusion has been shattered once more, as always, and I don't think I can take more of it. I don't even think it's fair.
I'm tired of being called crazy, in a world where everyone adamantly refuses to try to understand me.
I know I will not be missed.
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