Venting I think I'm actually gonna do it soon

[ImNotReal]

I'm still living with my parents. I just never left. I wouldn't be stable enough to live by myself anyways lol. I had plans to move in with friends. Still do actually. It's been taking forever to get everything in order though. Mom lost her job awhile ago so I agreed to help more then I already am for rent and bills and shit. Mom's made no effort to find another job in about 3 months. Mostly because she's a lazy POS lol. Dad lost his job about a month ago. Now I am the sole money maker in this house. I'm not really sure, I can't leave now, All my money goes to bills now all the money I do keep to get just goes to weed and cigerattes lol

they didn't even feel the need to fucking tell me lol. I had to like detective my way into figuring it out. I'm at an all time low, mentally. I've convinced myself that I'm not a human, or at least a good one. My brain's in this neverending misery I really really don't know how to explain it I think I'm just delusional.

I think like next paycheck I'm gonna buy a gun. I'll go into the woods near my house. Just shoot myself. I don't really care anymore. My family can rot without me I don't give a shit. I only feel hate in my brain anymore. I really am not built for this I need to kill myself lmao

 

[Vivissa]

Glad you fell free and you have accesible guns. I am not encouraging to do something. But I think is valuable when you have a will a plan.

 

[getoutgirl]

I'm sorry your brain is giving you such a trouble with all that on top :/
Are your plans for moving out with your friends still going then? You might want to wait till that if so. I mean once you move out your parents will have to get up their asses and find a job anyways.
And clearly right now you are not doing great mentally, but maybe with your friends that improves, or gets a lil easier... I'd hope at least
I'd just give that a try if you can is all, but I get if the urge is too loud these days try to take it as easy as you can for now regardless. Big hugs <3

 

[Don’tWakeMe]

I've said for a long time that my plan isn't really real until I pick a date on the calendar. I chose a date yesterday. I understand feeling trapped in your parent's house. I'm in a similar situation, but the opposite when it comes to finances. I've been looking for a job for two years, and feeling like a leech every day because my value is entirely based on how much money I make. Money= living independently = freedom. Daddy raised a good capitalist.