Discussion I think if you have any dreams/desires you should get off of this website

[GrumpyFrog]

Just that the spark isn't fully extinguished, if you have something you could shine once again. Why get rid of this spark by reading up suicide resources?

I think it all comes down to people being wildly different. I, personally, do not see why or how reading suicide resources would get rid of the "spark" in me, whatever that is. I also don't see how believing suicide is not an option will help one become happier, or more content, or more "sparkly". I don't mean to be argumentative, but I am simply genuinely confused by this stance and this forum is one of the rare places when it is socially acceptable to question it.

 

[AliceTheGoon]

Many of us are here for a nuts and bolts suicide resource but it also works as a coping forum because not everyone wants their venting to be met with the barrage of annoying platitudes you get elsewhere. "You're loved! Hang in there it will get better!" Barf.

 

[Girl-shaped Wound]

But what if my dream is to empty myself of all desire?

 

[justanotherone2022]

My dream and desire is to get my N dose.

 

[Mr2005]

It's the place dreams come to die. If you just broke up with your girlfriend or lost your job I'm sorry but I wouldn't recommend staying here unless you want to be brainwashed into having an all life is evil philosophy. Truth is a lot of people just want to spread their misery to others which is pretty sad and reason enough to become more depressed

 

[SexyIncél]

It's the place dreams come to die. If you just broke up with your girlfriend or lost your job I'm sorry but I wouldn't recommend staying here unless you want to be brainwashed into having an all life is evil philosophy. Truth is a lot of people just want to spread their misery to others which is pretty sad and reason enough to become more depressed

I literally travelled almost 5000 miles to get a tool that'll destroy me, and this community is currently my home. But I still don't have an "all life is evil philosophy". Some philosophers here advocate it... but I can simply disagree

I just think I'm a fellow who had one massive stroke of bad luck (amid all my massive good luck), and is in the goofy position of desiring to end it all

 

[GrumpyFrog]

It's the place dreams come to die. If you just broke up with your girlfriend or lost your job I'm sorry but I wouldn't recommend staying here unless you want to be brainwashed into having an all life is evil philosophy. Truth is a lot of people just want to spread their misery to others which is pretty sad and reason enough to become more depressed

I don't know. I've been here for a while, posted lots, lurked even more, but the brainwashing thing didn't get to me, I guess? Or maybe I didn't understand what "philosophy" on here is the problem...

 

[SCW]

Having hopes and desires and being capable of executing them are two completely different things. I want things. I just don't have the wherewithal to figure out how to get to them. Maybe with some extreme effort I'd get better but maybe I won't. It's something I've been trying and failing at for years. Years of little failures add up over time until I just felt like.. well, this.

 

[evey8112]

For me I have dreams and hopes but every time i try to get after it there is always that nagging voice in the back of my head that says to quit to just CTB. Also you have to keep in mind a lot of people here prob have some sort of imbalance like myself. Is this an excuse? Not really and yes one could get help but listen personally i am a super driven person i never thought i would be on a suicide forum but that is life. Everyone has there own battle you never know how good or bad someone has had it that is why i do not judge and say oh that person is just being a pussy. Again everyone has there own battles you just do not know. For me i have good parents was never abused accept verbally by my mother, went to a private Christian school and was your average American kid. Yet here i am 22 years old with pills coming in the mail as something to get out of this. For those that can get out of the hole i am proud of you but everyone has a choice its your life and body as long as your not harming anyone else i do not see a issue with suicide.

 

[Salvation_]

I don't know. I've been here for a while, posted lots, lurked even more, but the brainwashing thing didn't get to me, I guess? Or maybe I didn't understand what "philosophy" on here is the problem...

(For the record, this is mostly a response to Mr2005 and OP.)

There's no brainwashing. Honestly, it sounds like a fixthe26 conspiracy theory with how ludicrous the claim is. I'll be one to admit that being on this site isn't the greatest for mental health, but plenty of people have unhealthy coping mechanisms, and somehow venting on the suicide forum is apparently the greatest evil to exist on the planet. Sure, buddy.

There are a few (and I mean a very small minority) of SS users who wish to "spread misery" i.e. scammers, predators, trolls etc. but most of the community is just a bunch of us suicidal people screaming into the void because they have nowhere else to scream. Nobody is forcing their life philosophies on other people.

That being said, I really dislike posts that seem to be "gatekeeping" suicide or shaming people for wanting to CTB when "they are not at their lowest" yet. Assuming that people would want to hit their rock bottom first before CTB'ing. Wouldn't it make sense that if you saw the horrible trajectory up ahead, you'd want to go out quicker before suffering through what life throws at you? It's not about building character. It's about getting the fuck out before having to deal with that shit.

Let's not infantilize the userbase. We came here because we want to die. Other spaces on the internet will either censor us or tell us to go call the suicide hotline or have random internet strangers sending us cookie-cutter phrases like "it gets better" or "you have so much to live for". Don't browse a suicide forum if you're not expecting the users to be brutally honest about their own misery. People have tried to push their "philosophies" onto others in the past, and it doesn't work. It turns out that even suicidal people have different opinions. Crazy, I know. Again, we're all just screaming into the void, definitely far from a "hive-mind" as goes the implication.

 

[przeciwwymiotne]

But what if my dream is to empty myself of all desire?

I'd say go for it

My dream and desire is to get my N dose.

I respect that

 

[Mofreeko]

Wow. Gatekeeping suicide. Classy. Look, this is one of the very few places people can discuss suicidal thoughts and plans without judgement. Going 'no true scotsman' on people doesn't help anyone and just makes you look like an asshole.

 

[obafgkm]

I just don't understand why so many people want to end their lives when they aren't completely out of control and completely depressed. I envy you guys, I'd love to live. But I don't have any desires or thoughts or plans. Nothing. I'm basically already dead. Just prolonging my consciousness because I fear death. But I have to do it soon. I feel so powerless and alone. Fuck you.

There are always people more open-minded to try different things, to test human limits. The winners set new human standards. Those who fail are lessons for the rest.

 

[Sammie]

I have hopes and desires and I am relatively fine but not completely healed. If I won't be healed completely (I am still trying something) I will rebel and choose to ctb. I am here because being here feels good simply.

This is about where I am also. It's a coping mechanism and a place to see that there are others, we are not alone.

 

[Fktw0rld]

I don't think so. This website has kept me grounded for over 2 years now. I just recently became a member. But even when I was doing good checking on the SS forums was part of my daily routine, even if it was just at night before bed. No one here drags anyone down. The few that do slip in under the radar the mods remove fairly quickly. It's just a support group that's impossible to find on the outside because our problems are unseen and demonized by society.

 

[jodes2]

No dreams or desires here other than to die

 

[hamvil]

some are frightened of the effort and challenge change brings. Ctb seems 'easier'. At least in our heads it does! Pill popping to create a functional way of 'living' also doesn't appeal to all. We're here for all sorts of reasons. I respect this place and all you troubled souls ❤

There is nothing easy in killing yourself. If it was so easy there would be far less people on this forum. And I do not mean that an official way of doing it like with Dignitas is automatically easy. According to dignitias 70% of the people that ar authorized to AS do not do it, so it is far from easy. I wish I has the courage to do it.

 

[Littlewittlelight]

For some young people I think they are out of control I haven't done something normal in years I think if I just say haven't watched a movie been to a place in 4 years sounds ridiculous but I haven't been like for more than twice and haven't watched a movie anywhere not even at home or entertained properly peacefully for a year and since covid you know anyway I don't know if I am depressed but I have physical issues which got me mental issues and now I feel I am getting anhedonia then my bad memory which is worse than atleast a 60-70 year old at 20 I just feel there are people and they can't even communicate what the problem is sometimes and help that's far. Now I just don't know about kids feeling bad over a relationship because to me that sounds like I could never even get into a relationship and I am not like an average adult who was ever an average kid then teen and now adult. I just know what I have given up on just to protect myself or I would have crash landed earlier years back. It's my mistake I accept but if you think there aren't teenagers who got issues somewhat similar to adults or no drive to even get out or do anything. I am just jealous of every other young ill person when I hear because I volunteered as a listener and heard there problems there problems were like graduating and their partners not replying while I just listened on the other end having these things and felt like yeah this a problem for a normal human being and for me it doesn't even feel anything just numb feeling.
I will keep thanking indeed regardless of everything I just started to vent so bad here I have volunteered enough I thought it would bring me peace but it bring baggage and I am not yet ready to cbt honestly but I just am not we are all different but problems.

 

[takemenowpls]

I find myself on the fence all the time. I even tried to walk away from SS recently. I tried to fight and push forward but then it happened. Another brutal event happened to me and here I am again. Part of me thinks I'm just getting comfortable with the idea of ctb. I dunno… posts like this always make me think.

 

[hockeymum9999]

Hmmm. przeciwwymiotne does make a point. At least with me. When I think about my life I tend to look at just the bad. I don't focus on the possibilities or hope. Truth is my life is a mess right now, I am hopeless and depressed. 5 years of suffering and counting. But I lived through it and there is a chance I could still be happy in the next year. Start over, find a mate and live. Question is do I want to? If I could simply push a button and die peacefully I would do it in a second. But ctb using all the methods here… scares the hell out of me. I dunno, but this made me think.

I feel the same way, except my depression has lasted about 10 years. Everybody's life around me is moving forward. Mine - it's 1 baby step forward then a landslide backwards.

 

[Lawliet]

i have tons of dreams and desires, the inability to fulfill those things is what makes me want to CTB. the unachievable, the unobtainable. even if that is something as simple as good physical health.

 

[make_00]

I have dreams but they don't make me feel anything anymore
there's plenty of stuff I'd love to do, and I've done some of it, I didn't feel happy

 

[summers]

Fuck you.

 

[przeciwwymiotne]

For some young people I think they are out of control I haven't done something normal in years I think if I just say haven't watched a movie been to a place in 4 years sounds ridiculous but I haven't been like for more than twice and haven't watched a movie anywhere not even at home or entertained properly peacefully for a year and since covid you know anyway I don't know if I am depressed but I have physical issues which got me mental issues and now I feel I am getting anhedonia then my bad memory which is worse than atleast a 60-70 year old at 20 I just feel there are people and they can't even communicate what the problem is sometimes and help that's far. Now I just don't know about kids feeling bad over a relationship because to me that sounds like I could never even get into a relationship and I am not like an average adult who was ever an average kid then teen and now adult. I just know what I have given up on just to protect myself or I would have crash landed earlier years back. It's my mistake I accept but if you think there aren't teenagers who got issues somewhat similar to adults or no drive to even get out or do anything. I am just jealous of every other young ill person when I hear because I volunteered as a listener and heard there problems there problems were like graduating and their partners not replying while I just listened on the other end having these things and felt like yeah this a problem for a normal human being and for me it doesn't even feel anything just numb feeling.
I will keep thanking indeed regardless of everything I just started to vent so bad here I have volunteered enough I thought it would bring me peace but it bring baggage and I am not yet ready to cbt honestly but I just am not we are all different but problems.

Never said there are no teenagers with issues, I'm a teenager. I was bitter when I made that post. Because if it were for my injury I'd happily deal with all of my problems and I'm just jealous of others. Sorry you had to go through all of that. I know what you mean with feeling indifferent about 'normal human' problems, I'm very out off the loop myself.

 

[serah]

I've found that in some ways this site had worsened my suicidal ideation, I definitely agree.

 

[Littlewittlelight]

Never said there are no teenagers with issues, I'm a teenager. I was bitter when I made that post. Because if it were for my injury I'd happily deal with all of my problems and I'm just jealous of others. Sorry you had to go through all of that. I know what you mean with feeling indifferent about 'normal human' problems, I'm very out off the loop myself.

Same don't be sorry maybe I got a lil too and I am also jealous because when I saw other Teenagers happy free from worries which they shouldn't worry about I was the one doing it I can't write the whole thing but yes I got what you mean and don't be sorry I am sorry too if it hurts a teenager because problems are problems I don't forget that no matter how small it is and it can damage you so I hope all of our problems cease to exist.

T

I've found that in some ways this site had worsened my suicidal ideation, I definitely agree.

This site wasn't devoted to only recovery if you wanted it to better I think you should seek therapy as these are just forms if you have will to live get help because it's needed. Posting about how this is worsening won't. I agree and really urge someone to leave it or not join if they want help because it is for educational purpose and you get melancholy when you read about gloomy things. Not saying against someone in particular but I have seen people do and join weird discord servers just for fun or out of curiosity then stay if you feel you need help then talking to someone in person would be better it feels and there really is help if you are willing to get it not talking about psychos who would cage you but about family or any support that's there if not then I am not going to say anymore but there must be a way instead of coming here if you think in first place it won't worsen your ideations.

 

[SexyIncél]

I've found that in some ways this site had worsened my suicidal ideation, I definitely agree.

Yeah, in a clinic I noticed there's 2 kinds of people:

1. recoverers
2. sick fucks like me constantly looking for suicide pact partners. :P

I freak out some recoverers because I agree with the suicidal voices in their heads. My excitement with the arts of self-assassination is infectious

It's so bad, they want me to lie to them, or I ask if they REALLY want to know why I seem happy

Those people probably would regret coming here

 

[Hangnail]

Frankly you don't know what other people are going through. You don't know if they're serious or just coping with their lives. It's rude to suggest that you know what's best for people or what their intentions are when you're a stranger and outsider to their lives.

 

[Hollowillow]

I just don't understand why so many people want to end their lives when they aren't completely out of control and completely depressed. I envy you guys, I'd love to live. But I don't have any desires or thoughts or plans. Nothing. I'm basically already dead. Just prolonging my consciousness because I fear death. But I have to do it soon. I feel so powerless and alone. Fuck you.

But what if my dream is to die?

I admit that I'm annoyed by people who have no physical pain, family, lovers, friends, a house... But if even that can't make our shitty society bearable, I really have to stop dreaming I had a normal life & nope out.

Zero abuse & Trauma but want to cbd... Really? Fuck them indeed just kidding I love you, I know that the surface isn't the whole story... the exaustion is worse the closer we reach perfection

It's the place dreams come to die. If you just broke up with your girlfriend or lost your job I'm sorry but I wouldn't recommend staying here unless you want to be brainwashed into having an all life is evil philosophy. Truth is a lot of people just want to spread their misery to others which is pretty sad and reason enough to become more depressed

YES please brainwash me until I kill myself. Even with SN, as long as I get out if this idiocracy

 

[GrumpyFrog]

Yeah, in a clinic I noticed there's 2 kinds of people:

1. recoverers
2. sick fucks like me constantly looking for suicide pact partners. :P

I freak out some recoverers because I agree with the suicidal voices in their heads.

What is a "recoverer"? Like, I get what it means to look for a suicide pact partner, but what's the definition of that other...thing

Zero abuse & Trauma but want to cbd... Really? Fuck them indeed

Sadly, I'm not sure if adult humans with zero abuse history and trauma even exist. Like, not only among the suicidal, but in general. Seems like life fucks everyone.