I think I would be 100 percent sure and ready, if it wasn't for my boyfriend and cats.

[ChiseHatori]

I have it in me to move on. It always felt like it was something I've just been... waiting for. But I was dumb, and I let the naive side of me fall in love. Again and again. I even got married once. But now I'm with a boy - well, he's sort of genderfluid but goes by male.

After so many failed relationships, I've never been able to be so complete and honest with anyone else before. He even knows I made an account here, but won't ask me for the details out of respect. He is wonderful.

And I almost wish I never met him - because now I'm completely stuck and struck with guilt, because I want to end my pain but I can't leave him alone. I lost my father to suicide (which is part of the reason it feels right for me to follow his lead in a sense... I won't go into detail though) so I sort of know how it feels to be left behind. I don't want to give him that pain, even if it was best for me to leave. I also love my three cats and, even though I think they'd do okay without me, knowing I wouldn't see their cute little faces again hurts. I don't feel as strongly for anything else - the sunset, other animals, nature, other people and things... just them, mostly. They've always seemed to have a sense for when I was at my lowest and when I needed company.

Anyway the short of it is that I know I could've been long gone by now if I had made some different life choices and it's been driving me crazy. I know a majority you are in the same boat.

Just... yeah. It hurts. I'm sure you know just as well. I hope you have a lovely day or night.

 

[suprswag]

I understand how you feel, I'm in the same situation, but just with my cats.
hope you have a good day/night as well, take care.

 

[Someone123]

It is tough when you have these good things to live for and other things that make you want to do anything you can to stop the pain. Being in love and having thse catrs is big, but to be happy of course you need mnore- good finances, reasonably good physical health, and a larger network of support of family and friends. ZWork can be part ofd the solution. Love is the most difficult piece of all to get, and at least you have thta. Making efforts towards recovery may be worth it, but only you will know whether enough can be done to get the pain to stop. If you would like ideas for trying to solve other problems you could post about them here. But if you choose to find peace through ctb you find find caring here as well.

 

[cogmachine]

i feel this. the guilt and need caused by loving / being loved hurts on another level, as sweet as it is.

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds like a difficult situation that you are in, and it must be painful and hard to deal with what you are going through. There really does seem to be no real relief from suffering in this cruel world, but anyway best wishes.

 

[AngryDog]

Life can be cruel, and when someone is in a very delicate situation, a bad day or even a bad little decision can make the difference between life and death. Your boyfriend seems to be a very nice guy if he respects your boundaries like that. Very few people do.
I wish you to have a nice day.