Venting I think I can do it now

[nando_75]

Hello,

I'm 20M living in a some-what big city in Croatia. I've had sturgles with mental health and have tought, read and wanted to commit suicide. People in my inner circle(mother, father and current GF) know about this issues but they always disamised it as me being dramatic or overly emotional. My insecurities have caused me to feel little, unhappy and suicidal. Up to date I have managed to contain myself from actually atempting it, but I think today was my final straw. So here's what happened.

My gf has been my rock at the start of our relationship, but nowdays she has pushed me more and more into insecurities and hatred towards myself. Today, when we were out, she made a joke about "male suicide rates" and basicly said its funny that man kill themselves. This one hit the spot and I've been hurt by that. As luck would have it, I've found someone who I can buy a gun from, so I'll have that talk in following days. I stil have no idea if I'll have the balls to do it, since its my first time acctually having the option to end it.

 

[cioran.legend]

I hope that whatever your decision is, everything turns out as you expect and you find the peace you seek.

 

[botanormal]

I'm so sorry that happened. That's a horrible thing to hear in any situation, but especially not from the person who you consider to be your rock. You should be able to feel heard & validated in your feelings, and I'm so sorry that wasn't the case, and particularly the fact it pushed you to the point of genuinely wanting to go through with it. I truly hope you are able to tell her how deeply it hurts you, or if you have & she hasn't cared, then please protect your feelings first & maybe even leave the situation if you can. Nobody should ever be treated like that, especially not in a relationship.

 

[onmywaytothebusstop]

Fuck her, she's toxic