Venting i think i am ready to ctb

[kimikatachibana]

i cannot take the pain and guilt anymore
i ruined my relationship with my boyfriend, he lost all trust in me all because of my self destructive mistakes and now he's planning to kill himself too.
i have no one other than him, i was all alone until we met, my life depends on him and of course i ruined the only good thing i have in my life. i can't live in this hellhole anymore, everyday it's getting worse, the only way out for freedom is by committing

i am probably gonna get drunk first so i don't hesitate on my decision, then i'll just ctb by having a train run me over as it's the quickest but i'm still not sure, maybe i'll ctb with my boyfriend

 

[Sulyya]

That is really unfortunate, we all make so many mistakes in life, maybe in just an instantaneous spur of the moment decision and it can change so much as a result. Is the relationship the main reason?

I have heard (here) that train isn't very reliable, as you are somewhat likely to survive but be physically crippled and in more misery.

 

[RichardFirst]

Firstly any method involving a train is a mistake off the bat. It may work, but the variables are enormous. You could be killed in a very painful matter. Even worse, you could survive and be crippled for life. Lastly, it's extremely messy, and someone will have to clean up afterwards. Please do not choose this method.

Secondly, CTBing with another person is unwise, in my opinion. If one of you survives, you will be in one very precarious situation. The police will almost certainly get involved, and you could even get landed with a conviction if they believe that you assisted the other person in dying.

If you want to CTB, you need to do your homework. Please do not act in haste.

 

[kimikatachibana]

That is really unfortunate, we all make so many mistakes in life, maybe in just an instantaneous spur of the moment decision and it can change so much as a result. Is the relationship the main reason?

I have heard (here) that train isn't very reliable, as you are somewhat likely to survive but be physically crippled and in more misery.

i was thinking laying down so the train could really hit my head and kill me immediately, unfortunately i don't have access to SN or any medication as of now

 

[Remeer]

I don't understand when you say that your life depends on him, is it a narcissistic relationship?
They have already answered you here that the train method is extremely risky, because you can survive with terrible consequences, I advise you to calm down on this subject
You have yourself, you are not alone, and we are all really in the same thing, we only have ourselves
Live the sadness you have and when you feel better think about the matter again, we will be in the forum if you want to know more about the methods or if you change your mind and want support
be well, regards

 

[Sulyya]

i was thinking laying down so the train could really hit my head and kill me immediately, unfortunately i don't have access to SN or any medication as of now

We just had a SN survival here as well, which sounded very rough. There is no quick perfect method really. That's accessible anyway, or which doesn't take so long that your last moments won't be torturous.

 

[FuneralCry]

The train method sounds really terrifying to me, but of course it's understandable wishing to desperately be free from this hellish world, and it must be painful being trapped in that situation. But anyway, I wish you the best.

 

[CandyK__]

I don't think doing anything at moments of high emotions is the best thing to do. Give yourself at least 3 days, when you say "If I'm going to die either way i might (blank)". I those 3 days you do those things, and try to see if what you feel now is long-lasting, or just temporary.

This worked for me few times, and effectively delayed me. If you want to chat 1on1 about relationships I'm open.

Also as other mentioned, train is not a good option. There are simpler and more reliable ways to ctb.

 

[Source Energy]

i cannot take the pain and guilt anymore
i ruined my relationship with my boyfriend, he lost all trust in me all because of my self destructive mistakes and now he's planning to kill himself too.
i have no one other than him, i was all alone until we met, my life depends on him and of course i ruined the only good thing i have in my life. i can't live in this hellhole anymore, everyday it's getting worse, the only way out for freedom is by committing

i am probably gonna get drunk first so i don't hesitate on my decision, then i'll just ctb by having a train run me over as it's the quickest but i'm still not sure, maybe i'll ctb with my boyfriend

If you did something wrong, own up to it and apologize humbly and heartfelt. Back up your words with actions to show you are serious about improving.

Other than that, if you still desire to ctb, there are less violent methods. and dying with your love is the best way of leaving this shithole

 

[kimikatachibana]

The train method sounds really terrifying to me, but of course it's understandable wishing to desperately be free from this hellish world, and it must be painful being trapped in that situation. But anyway, I wish you the best.

I don't understand when you say that your life depends on him, is it a narcissistic relationship?
They have already answered you here that the train method is extremely risky, because you can survive with terrible consequences, I advise you to calm down on this subject
You have yourself, you are not alone, and we are all really in the same thing, we only have ourselves
Live the sadness you have and when you feel better think about the matter again, we will be in the forum if you want to know more about the methods or if you change your mind and want support
be well, regards

I don't think doing anything at moments of high emotions is the best thing to do. Give yourself at least 3 days, when you say "If I'm going to die either way i might (blank)". I those 3 days you do those things, and try to see if what you feel now is long-lasting, or just temporary.

This worked for me few times, and effectively delayed me. If you want to chat 1on1 about relationships I'm open.

Also as other mentioned, train is not a good option. There are simpler and more reliable ways to ctb.

i agree with you but at this point i feel so lost, and the fact i'm borderline makes my relationships even more difficult. my partner is already struggling a lot himself and i'm just making it worse.
i just don't know what to do anymore

 

[CandyK__]

Sometimes being with someone thinking you're helping them, can only make two of you worse. I'd recommend taking a day off from everything job/uni, as well as partner. Just a moment to calm yourself, and organize your thoughts. For me writing outlines for stories helps, try to express the loss of control in some creative way, it doesn't have to be good, just something to let you get emotions out.

Talk to him about you the fact that you suspect that two of you are not helping each other, in current situation. Stop everything, and try to look from a distance at your life. Think of why are you feeling what you're feeling, you might find a specific event which triggered your reaction.

 

[Remeer]

i agree with you but at this point i feel so lost, and the fact i'm borderline makes my relationships even more difficult. my partner is already struggling a lot himself and i'm just making it worse.
i just don't know what to do anymore

Do not make life more complicated, go for the simple, if you are "lost" and understand that currently being close to people is not convenient for you, express it to your loved ones and have a rest time, surely they will be there when you are better and willing to be in company again