Venting I take sleep meds to escape the horrors.

[Require_love]

I can't get drugs. Now, it's the worst when the self loathing, gruesome CTB motivation hits me right when I'm trying to sleep. I can't even go to sleep when I feel like hanging myself. (Unless it's so strong that I just fall asleep somehow)

So, I take sleep meds to escape that. I do not want to face the horrors consciously. I want to sleep when my brain tells me to kill myself and clean up the planet that way. It's an escape, and by God does it work. If I can't fall asleep, I'll knock myself out.

 

[identity0]

which sleep meds?

 

[Require_love]

which sleep meds?

Zolpidem

 

[SomewhatLoved]

I've never been intoxicated or done any drugs my whole life, but I figure if I ever did it would be zolpidem. I actually bought some off a guy once but I ended up flushing them because my partner told me he didn't want me to take them. Still, I think about getting more sometimes.

They also can cause euphoria, and so they are sometimes used recreationally. It just sounds so perfect to me. Feeling all euphoric and warm and fuzzy before falling asleep. I just wish I was still with my partner so I could hold him when I take them and fall asleep.

 

[The Morningstar]

clean up the planet that way

I do understand the desire to live an altruistic life or at least have some kind of noble death. It sounds like it weighs heavily on you.
You aren't a burden, if that's what you're getting at. None of us are, nor could we be. Life's run on Earth is 80% complete, and pursuing your own happiness isn't going to hurt anything.
I hope you find some way to enjoy the waking world. But failing that, what else is there to say, except that I wish you sweet dreams.

 

[Kasumi]

I've never been intoxicated or done any drugs my whole life, but I figure if I ever did it would be zolpidem. I actually bought some off a guy once but I ended up flushing them because my partner told me he didn't want me to take them. Still, I think about getting more sometimes.

They also can cause euphoria, and so they are sometimes used recreationally. It just sounds so perfect to me. Feeling all euphoric and warm and fuzzy before falling asleep. I just wish I was still with my partner so I could hold him when I take them and fall asleep.

why'd he not want you to take them? whats wrong with sleep meds?
(u cant od on z-drugs)

 

[SomewhatLoved]

why'd he not want you to take them? whats wrong with sleep meds?
(u cant od on z-drugs)

They're still definitely addictive/abuseable. There's a lot of things that don't kill you but will still damage your social relationships too. Alcohol for example, no one in my family has died as a result of alcohol-related diseases, but it has still torn my family apart. My parents divorced in part due to my dad's alcoholism. Ambien can be an escape, but people who like living probably don't really want to be with someone who takes sleeping pills to pass the day.

 

[hopeless302]

Same. But the horrors persist.

 

[Kasumi]

They're still definitely addictive/abuseable. There's a lot of things that don't kill you but will still damage your social relationships too. Alcohol for example, no one in my family has died as a result of alcohol-related diseases, but it has still torn my family apart. My parents divorced in part due to my dad's alcoholism. Ambien can be an escape, but people who like living probably don't really want to be with someone who takes sleeping pills to pass the day.

Oh you meant not for sleep.
Yea well... At least better than alcohol but anything is better than alcohol..

 

[TheDevilsAngel]

I do the same thing.i take meds just to pass out and forget my problems

 

[KillingPain267]

It stops working eventually, trust me