Venting I spend all my days crying

[UninformedLover]

Lately I just can't stop crying. My life just sucks so much I can't take it. I can't believe this is how my life turned out. I try to accept it but I just can't. Not when I see so many people with such good parents and good lives. Why not me?

I wish I would have killed myself when I was a teen like I planned. Back then I had so much drive, courage and energy to do it but no knowledge. Now I have the knowledge but no courage or energy to go through with it. I can barely get out of bed most days. Back then I was suffering,probably even more so than now but I was able to go to school, do all the housework, take care of my sister and my self, hangout with my friend and read and just do things I enjoyed. Now, I cant do anything. I can't keep a job, I barely leave my house...Its like my life was over before it even started.

I never lived a life without mental illness and I probably never will. Can't keep a job because I'm so horribly mentally ill and I can't get better because I'm forced to live with my mom and I can't move out without money but I can't get any money because I can't keep a job bec-...

I just keep losing and losing and losing and losing.

 

[Thefuture]

Ahhhhh man I relate so much to everything you're saying except I couldnt even cry if I tried. I can hardly work up the motivation to shower. I think I'm at the bottom I'm literally not functioning on any level. I don't know what to say I wish I could help you feel better.

 

[Uncounted1846]

I'm in a similar loop. I struggle with extreme insomnia due to sleep time anxiety. The last desk job I had I got fired for falling asleep on the job. It's happened so much since 2021. My doctor doesn't seem to believe me or even care. I spend the days sleeping and I'm up most of the night with terror and dread.

The last eight months have only gotten harder. I can't see any other way out besides CTB.