Venting I sound very weird and dumb when communicating with others, don't I?

[Daxter_87]

I feel like an otherworldly entity, an alien who landed on Earth one day and now has to behave and talk like a human to maintain his facade. Even the most rejected outliers seem to find me either scary, awkward, or both. Whenever I communicate with others – either textually or verbally, in real life or online, etc. –, my way of expressing myself looks odd in a manner that it's hard to explain. In my opinion, I don't think I accurately convey what I'm trying to say, but rather I give the impression of being a weirdo and a loony – which I am, by the way.

To tell you the truth, I think that living in nearly total isolation throughout almost my entire life plays a big role in all this. Indeed, I relate virtually to no one, normal conversations are of no interest to me, and it's uncommon for me to experience that feeling that many describe as "homely".

Furthermore, I've always felt that, even if some community ever welcomed me, deep down I'd still be destined to ostracism. I know this because I've lived it several times – for instance, sometimes I connect with akin people, but soon I end up being on my own, as usual.

When it comes down to it, I'm a pariah of the strangest kind; so much so, that even other renegades consider me too eccentric for their liking – or so I think anyway.

 

[Pluto]

That's a lovely picture.

Yes, I spent much of my childhood alone and it feels like I was never 'socialised'. I've superficially engaged with various communities but always as an outsider, and always short-lived. It feels like a pretty fundamental flaw.

It feels like it doesn't have to be this way, especially when there are many of us going through the same thing. There's more and more loneliness in the world generally, even as the population increases.

 

[figure8]

I can relate to this a lot. I spent almost the entirety of my life in solitude; all the relationships (in general, not just romantic) I went through were superficial and bound to end eventually. I don't think I have a real self of identity. If I were to define myself, I'd use antonyms. Rather than being ostracized, I'm treated like I'm invisible. I used to think there's something wrong with me. And maybe there is, but I learned to accept it. People are mostly bothersome, anyway. So I think of my weirdness as a power; it's like a boring people repellent. Though some people seemed to like me more due to my eccentric behavior, weirdly enough.

I feel like an otherworldly entity, an alien who landed on Earth one day and now has to behave and talk like a human to maintain his facade.

I like the way you described yourself.
I'm not sure how exactly you feel about being perceived as an eccentric person. Perhaps you wish you were different, or you wish people accepted you for who you are. Or maybe not. But you don't lose anything, really. I can tell solely from this post that you're much more interesting than most people I've ever encountered.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

You don't sound weird or dumb at all - quite the opposite. You do type quite formally though. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I and others on here come off that way very regularly.

It might help to throw in some colloquialisms once in a while, if you think your writing style in particular could use some loosening up. I have to remind myself to do that too, sometimes.

You mentioned before that you often spend hours preparing a post. That sounds exhausting and not very fun at all. I hope you can relax a little more. You'll see you're quite normal.

And yes, I think many can relate to your feelings of isolation. I have gone through many multi-year periods without much contact with others.