Venting I said I'd try to get better, but I don't know if I can.

[Bunabelldearest]

Recently I told a few people I'd try to get better, I really wanted to try cause it looks like I have somewhat of a future, and at first I was excited for that chance and I really did try but now I don't even, idk I dont think I can. I feel useless all the time and no matter how many times I pretend im getting better or I feel better I just dont, but now I have commitments and things I have to do and it makes it all the worse. I just feel like I'm sinking and I have to hold on. I should be happy now. I said I was happy now, I said I'd try and I said I'd make a effort but I dont know if I can. I feel like ever since I said I'd try to get better things in my life have gotten worse. I'm worthless and pathetic. I keep reminding myself im only 18 and have a future but do i? I dont want to do this I dont want to do anything, I want to die but I cant. I have people who rely on me. I just struggle to rely on anyone.