Help I repeatedly feel envy towards others and I hate it.

[Square251]

I absolutely despise myself for it. These are good people and they have their own struggles, but I still feel jealous of the things they have and I want too. No words can describe how disgusted I am by myself. These friends deserve better than a bitter person like me.

How can I change that? How can I be a better person when this feeling is at my core?

 

[whywere]

Hi!
Your thread really caught my attention. I usually will not say anything about my brother, but on this occasion, I deem it as a good thing, for you NOT him. He is 3 years older than me and he always had most anything he wanted. Case in point, when my "parents" died they left him 4 million U.S. dollars and I received zero. But, guess what? He is never happy ever and will never be.

No pity party but I still work at 67 and have 24/7 chronic pain and especially with SaSu, I am content.

There is, in my point of view, lots of ways of "finding" oneself and I firmly believe that everyone not only is different in body and mind, but mind set. I am grateful for all the friends that I have on SaSu, food in my stomach and cupboards, a roof over my head and clothes on my back. When I was 18, I was homeless with zero money as my "parents" kicked me out with the clothes and shoes on me and a black garbage bag with my clothes and that was it period. That is why now, that was back in 1974, I am happy with what I have.

For me, I look at others around me who have $100,000 cars and fancy watches and the like and they are usually greedy, backstabbing and angry. It is never enough ever.

I taught and told myself back in 1974 that "stuff" will never make me happy, it comes from the inside. I had to work at it, tell myself each and every day, "be happy, I am healthy, and have food and shelter. be happy for the basics of life and go forward from there". Even today, I get caught up in seeing someone with a car that I could never afford, and I have to reremind myself the same thing from 1974, be happy, I leave with what I came with zero.

Not trying to be a huge bummer here, but think of someone who is battling cancer, I had gall bladder cancer back in 2014, and what those poor souls are going through.

I can really tell from your thread just how kind, caring and loving you are. Writing what you did shows such maturity, and a huge caring heart.

You are already halfway there just by recognizing not only the jealousy aspect BUT that you want to CHANGE!!! That is truly awesome, just like you are.

I also look at the aspect that I am 100% debt free and some others who have fancy everything are up to their eyeballs in debt. No thank you ever.

You are such a warm, and thoughtful person with so much introspective about yourself that you are and will be a winner not only in life but in being comfortable with yourself and it will show through in one's body language and mannerisms.

Have a great weekend filled with lovely weather and fields of brilliant flowers.

Walter

 

[timf]

I saw an interview with an Australian guy once who described the difference he saw between the British and Americans. He said that in Britain if a poor guy saw a rich guy drive an expensive car, he would hate the rich guy. In American he had observed that if a poor guy saw a rich guy drive an expensive car, he would say, "I'm going to get one too".

The two possibilities for the poor guy in Britain were to see some hope that he could gain the resources he wanted or to decide that it wasn't worth it. In the movie "Going in Style" three older gentlemen reflect on their lives. The character played by George Burns said, "I had enough of everything in life except money and the guys that went after that paid too high a price".

 

[nerve]

from one jealous person to another, i feel like it's not the jealousy itself that's the issue, more what you do with it.

living with all this crap in your brain is very painful. It swallows up a lot of people and they become not only bitter, but incredibly destructive and selfish. based on your post, that doesn't seem to be who you are.

i heard this once from someone mostly bedbound for years due to chronic illness: if you can feel even a little glad when other people get things you want very, even if it's in the middle of all the envy and bitterness, you're doing enough.

 

[Aergia]

Yeah, I feel you. I don't envy the material possessions of others— it's usually things like genuine friendships, or familial love, or freedom/autonomy, or intelligence, or charisma— that make me jealous. Some of those are things I'll never have directly because of my circumstances, and some I'll probably never have because I can't find it in me to make the effort to go out and get them.