Venting I Relapsed :)

[Unsure and Useless]

I thought that relapsing for the first time would consist of a loud mental breakdown and a ton of tears, but I guess I was wrong.

I can't even cry since the tears aren't coming out. I can't scream, or rather, the urge to scream is overpowered by the desire to not be sent to a hospital ward. I want to eat my feelings, but I'm too mentally fatigued to actually get up and stuff my face with Oreos. My head hurts from the stress of work that I can't bring myself to do. I just want to sleep and let my mind drift away from all of this, but my brain is too stressed out to do so.

All in all, I'm feeling pretty miserable. (How about you?)

I wish I had a CTB button right now. It would've been pressed hours ago while I was silently screaming about wanting a bullet to go through my head.

 

[Exact Change]

What is your addiction? I've battled alcoholism for 7 years. Relapses suck. I think my addiction will be what kills me

 

[Hevn]

I couldn't either. I cried all my tears since 2108. I thought so. I haven't cried since March 2022. And at the end of this August I broke through.

 

[FuneralCry]

I also wish that there is a peaceful, instant ctb button, if we could just have the option to die in peace it would prevent so much suffering, it really is so dreadful feeling trapped in this existence.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

It's okay. In terms of pure numbers your streak may have ended but it still doesn't mean you're all the way back at the bottom.

 

[Unsure and Useless]

What is your addiction? I've battled alcoholism for 7 years. Relapses suck. I think my addiction will be what kills me

Oh, I was referring to relapsing as in slipping back into CTB ideation. I'm sorry for the confusion. If need be, I can change the title to clear up confusion?

 

[Exact Change]

Oh, I was referring to relapsing as in slipping back into CTB ideation. I'm sorry for the confusion. If need be, I can change the title to clear up confusion?

Oh I misunderstood. Hope you are doing better now.