I really wonder if I'm neurodivergent or not

[CeilingStarer]

Thinking about all these years since I was 5 where I didn't really connect with other kids, how I had/have different interests from most people (wasn't playing/don't watch football, don't drink alcohol or coffee etc.) how I couldn't just connect with people, and in my last years of high school ended up having almost no friends because they all went to another school and the crippling loneliness that grasped me as well as the severe social anxiety which I have now thankfully resolved.
Even if I no longer have social anxiety I still have those little moments from time to time where I think "wait I hope what I said wasn't weird" or "I want to say something but I'm not sure if it's odd so I'll just say nothing just to be safe"

Contrast this to when I'm with some friends of mine from my cs uni who are absolute gamers like the kind to have four digit playtime on stuff like factorio and are just absolute units when it comes to computer nerding, like the company with them just feels so natural and if people saw how we behaved with each other at times we'd instantly all get the autism labels on our foreheads.

My confusion comes from the fact that "normies" pass me as normal, while my friends from uni and the like have pmuch all agreed that we are in the "undiagnosed but pretty sure" bag. And I feel like agree
However recently I've happened to have a talk with a family member of mine and I told her I think I have adhd and she told me she never suspected me of having anything of the like not adhd not autism nothing she said that I'm just "a little weird but nothing more than that"

Like I'm thinking maybe I believe I have a little tism cuz I see stuff about autism or adhd all the time and that's the reason but then again why do I enjoy the company of people who I label as a little on the spectrum while there are times where I'm thinking to be a tad careful of what to say with people I don't know or with acquaintances I sometimes just avoid having social interactions because I just don't feel like it

I really feel I should get diagnosed by someone that knows what they're doing just so this question can finally have a definitive answer

But I'm pretty sure lol

 

[timf]

A diagnosis might be useful if there would be a treatment plan or government subsidy. Otherwise it might be like getting someone to measure how tall you are, it might be interesting, but not that useful.

 

[FluffIsJustice]

I think that if it's Autism, a diagnosis has it's uses regardless of whether it will give you access to support or not. It's more about having an answer (not constantly questioning about it) and it will help to better understand yourself, your reaction in some situations and how you can manage it. It does also have it's downsides, though. (I think for example some countries will deny you entry, if I remember correctly that is). The waiting times are long though and if your sure it might be better to gather evidence yourself first. Even if you don't plan on getting an official diagnosis due to negativ consequences, self-diagnosis is considered valid by many autistic people.
Do you know some youtube channels that talk about Autism, like Autistic AF? If you have the time, I'd recommend checking out the videos about advantages and disadvantages of diagnosis and how he realized he was autistic.

 

[otomedissection]

To add on to what other's have said, it's also very possible that some people might view you as neurotypical because you've subconsciously learned to mask. It's pretty common among neurodivergent folks. I feel like I'm very aware of when I do it because I'm not always good at it, and I have to do it constantly at work. I force eye contact a lot, downplay my interests (or lie about them and say I like what most people like) and feel like I have a "library" of socially acceptable phrases/topics and mannerisms stored away so I can make sure I'm not ridiculed. Whatever you decide to do about seeking a diagnosis, I wish you luck!

 

[Somewhat Suicidal]

To add on to what other's have said, it's also very possible that some people might view you as neurotypical because you've subconsciously learned to mask. It's pretty common among neurodivergent folks. I feel like I'm very aware of when I do it because I'm not always good at it, and I have to do it constantly at work. I force eye contact a lot, downplay my interests (or lie about them and say I like what most people like) and feel like I have a "library" of socially acceptable phrases/topics and mannerisms stored away so I can make sure I'm not ridiculed. Whatever you decide to do about seeking a diagnosis, I wish you luck!

I wish I could do that but my ADHD usually makes that impossible to me because I act before thinking that much. Usually in some stupid non helpful way, more or less.

These days I'm just at home, alone and not acting anymore whatsoever. No energy left to even do anything.