Some Thoughts on Autism

[sulkygirl]

I dropped and shattered a big bowl of ice cream. And I just sobbed. Honestly a very tiny thing in the grand scheme of things but kind of a straw that broke the camel's back type thing for sure.

I hate having autism. My motor skills are very uncoordinated. I'll walk into walls, hit the doorframe, lose my balance just standing in place, or, like today, drop dishes. I'm guess I'm just more clumsy but it also means I have a harder time driving within the lines. And I hate that I can't recognize faces well. I usually depend on clothes or voice or hair/skin color to tell people apart. And I'll fidget so hard that I'll subconsciously throw my pencil or shred whatever's nearby. I once shredded a document in front of my therapist because I was nervous and not paying attention. I also stutter more when I'm nervous. And that's not getting started on my inability to tell or utilize tone which leads to a lot of misunderstandings. And then friends and family make fun of me for laughing too hard or flapping when I'm excited.

A lot of people think autism is just quirky. "Wow, I really like this cartoon, aren't I so quirky!" Just like how people reduce OCD to being organized. Autism is a disorder. And if I could choose not to have it I would.

 

[GodzillasBiggestFan]

i have had a similar experience with autism. the social stuff is the worst for me. i want so much to connect like anyone else does but its hard.

 

[SuicIdiot]

I cannot relate to Autism from a personal understanding, but I have worked with those with Autism. I'm sorry you have had these experiences. Everyone likes to have very uninformed, LOUD AF, one-sided judgments about disorders like AU, OCD, BD, BPD, Anxiety, Depression- you name it. It's minimizing, and it's hurtful.

I have a different diagnosis. But people's comments and stereotypes are awful. They don't understand, and they can't. Which is almost worse. Having all of these thoughts and battles that you can't explain. It's defeating.

Autism doesn't make you less human. I don't think this message really helps, but I appreciate your honesty. Those little moments that throw us over the edge are awful. I wish I could help.