I really don't want to ctb

[NoPunIntended]

But it seems like life doesn't give me a choice at all. I can't find a job that fits me, which is probably also because I'm not really good at anything, sadly. I'm socially super awkward and can't communicate with people. I dont have any peers that properly respect me, I'll probably never have a girlfriend and there are very few things that are really fun to me. The sad thing is that I like life itself. Even though I know they can be shitty, I actually like people aswell. I just feel like that I'm not capable of living in society. That's why I'm planning on CTB. Only thing stopping me rn is religious indotrination. I dont know how it will go on from here, but since I got another job rejection today, ctb is getting closer and closer.

 

[lnlybnny]

i don't like many things in life but i'm extremely passionate about the things i love, and that makes it harder to ctb. but i'm just like you in the sense that i can't fit into anything in this world, i feel i'm just a waste of oxygen, i don't really see anything other than ctb for me

 

[pebpebpebpeb]

don't ctb if you're not 100% certain. it's an irreversible decision.
you still hold hope in this world, and are looking for a way to get help. if not, you wouldn't be posting this. jobs and relationships are all temporary in the end, but your life will be there to take you through every experience. what kind of things do you like to do? what kind of job are you aiming for? there is always hope for change and self improvement within yourself.

 

[NoPunIntended]

don't ctb if you're not 100% certain. it's an irreversible decision.
you still hold hope in this world, and are looking for a way to get help. if not, you wouldn't be posting this. jobs and relationships are all temporary in the end, but your life will be there to take you through every experience. what kind of things do you like to do? what kind of job are you aiming for? there is always hope for change and self improvement within yourself.

I'm trying, but the therapists in my country are completely overloaded and its almost impossible to get an appointment even for the first session. I applied as a sys admin, but I dont think that it would make me happy. I enjoy alot of things. I like Manga, drawing, literature, hitting the gym and going for walks, but nothing that makes a living. So I'd have to spend 40 unhappy hours a week just to survive and to get home with no one to greet me since I cant make any friends or romantic relationships.

 

[Done_With_It_All]

I haven't been really that religious my whole life, so to me, it all just goes dark. If I was not 100% certain I am going to CTB, I wouldn't be on this site. You know, everyone is different. I know deep in my animalistic parts of the brain I want to live, because, hey, I have a loving family, they feed me. But I know it will be over one day. Maybe that is the same part of your brain too. Who knows.

 

[pebpebpebpeb]

I applied as a sys admin, but I dont think that it would make me happy.

sometimes you have to work jobs you don't necessarily like to at least get a start. don't quote me on any of this, i'm barely an adult myself xD. who says it won't make you happy? you could meet new people, even if you are shy. sometimes it may force you to work with others depending on the job, which is a blessing and a curse. we all start out somewhere, nobody should be expecting you to get this life-changing job right off the bat.

I like Manga, drawing, literature, hitting the gym and going for walks,

i also love these things besides the gym part. what kind of manga do you read? or what kind of drawings do you do?

no one to greet me since I cant make any friends or romantic relationships.

felt. loneliness is awful. maybe this site can help you meet some new people. even if it's just an online friend, it's better than nothing. (imo).

 

[findmybridgesocal]

But it seems like life doesn't give me a choice at all. I can't find a job that fits me, which is probably also because I'm not really good at anything, sadly. I'm socially super awkward and can't communicate with people. I dont have any peers that properly respect me, I'll probably never have a girlfriend and there are very few things that are really fun to me. The sad thing is that I like life itself. Even though I know they can be shitty, I actually like people aswell. I just feel like that I'm not capable of living in society. That's why I'm planning on CTB. Only thing stopping me rn is religious indotrination. I dont know how it will go on from here, but since I got another job rejection today, ctb is getting closer and closer.

Maybe try googling for career counseling in your area? There might be programs to help you find a job that's a good fit.

Since you're religious maybe try joining and/or volunteering with a church?

 

[NoPunIntended]

sometimes you have to work jobs you don't necessarily like to at least get a start. don't quote me on any of this, i'm barely an adult myself xD. who says it won't make you happy? you could meet new people, even if you are shy. sometimes it may force you to work with others depending on the job, which is a blessing and a curse. we all start out somewhere, nobody should be expecting you to get this life-changing job right off the bat.

Yea, I'm just worries that work life wont be too nice with me. I'll still apply for more jobs tho.

i also love these things besides the gym part. what kind of manga do you read? or what kind of drawings do you do?

I only read Berserk so far since I'm very new, but I wanna read Vagabon, Jojo, Hells Paradise and Punpun soon. I just recently started drawing and mostly draw manga.

felt. loneliness is awful. maybe this site can help you meet some new people. even if it's just an online friend, it's better than nothing. (imo).

How can I engage with people on here?

Maybe try googling for career counseling in your area? There might be programs to help you find a job that's a good fit.

Good idea probably

Since you're religious maybe try joining and/or volunteering with a church?

I'm a muslim

 

[Light Dreamer]

I'm sorry to hear about that, it must have been very painful and taxing for you to live like this, nobody deserves a shitty life and yet we are forced to live it. I know from experience how hard it is on a person when they cannot socialize, humans are social beings and evolution made sure that there are reperocussions when they don't spend enough time being social. All the plentiful options normal people have to fix this issue and in turn have a normal life are simply not there for those that got a middle finger from evolution.
I wish I had some real advice for you but being in a similar situation, I am as lost as you my friend. Going to the gym is what keeps me sane, that and video games whenever ive got down time.
I hope you can at least find comfort in the idea of CTB itself, if you've got problems none of them will matter where you are going, your pain and regrets will become a thing of the past.

 

[pebpebpebpeb]

I only read Berserk so far since I'm very new, but I wanna read Vagabon, Jojo, Hells Paradise and Punpun soon. I just recently started drawing and mostly draw manga.

i love berserk! all of those are so gut-wrenching, oof. i want to read vagabond as well, right now i'm watching vinland saga. super good show and manga, totally recommend it. i don't know if you should be reading all of those sad mangas if you're trying to get better xD. punpun really wrecked my mental health for a while, but i still love it. (hence my pfp.) i bet your art is really cool.

How can I engage with people on here?

you can vent, help out other people, or go to the other sections like recovery and offtopic. i mostly try and comment on posts to help out people or input my thoughts in discussions. people here are generally welcoming and calm from what i've seen.

 

[NoPunIntended]

i love berserk! all of those are so gut-wrenching, oof. i want to read vagabond as well, right now i'm watching vinland saga. super good show and manga, totally recommend it. i don't know if you should be reading all of those sad mangas if you're trying to get better xD. punpun really wrecked my mental health for a while, but i still love it. (hence my pfp.) i bet your art is really cool.

Yea, fiction can make someone really sad, but I dont take them that seriously...I just appreciate the art. My art still sucks tho. I'm in for like a month and I'm mostly copying others art to learn the basics, but I'm getting there.

you can vent, help out other people, or go to the other sections like recovery and offtopic. i mostly try and comment on posts to help out people or input my thoughts in discussions. people here are generally welcoming and calm from what i've seen.

Yea, I might try that

 

[Unknown21]

Being forced to ctb is really cruel, I'm sorry man, just know that u r not alone BC I'm in similar condition.