Venting I really do feel like giving up soon. I'll probably use SN

[dextof01]

I used to be on this site a while back (like may-august 2023), but got a new computer and forgot the password to the acc. All I can remember is I used danganronpa profile pictures. Anyways, I have BPD, C-PTSD, ADHD, and Depression and have nerve problems and my family treats me horribly. I also feel horrible that I was circumcised at birth, and I don't even know how this procedure is legal. My life has been hell since atleast around 2018 when I was 13-14, and I am now 19. I just feel like giving up at this point. I constantly get screamed at by my parents as well, and my mother is trying to force me into a post-school graduation program but I barely get any sleep and am so stressed I can't concentrate, I don't think I can take it much longer. I don't even have my own room either, I have to sleep on an uncomfortable couch. I don't even really have basic life skills. I'm probably gonna be getting something like a restaurant job in a week or two, and then when I get my first paycheck I'll buy some sodium nitrite off the internet and try to poison myself with it. How many spoonfuls do you think would kill me? I kind of want to do overkill, so maybe I'd swallow like 5-10 spoonfuls or more. I'm not sure. Any tips? How long would it take me to die? I live in the US and I think I can easily buy SN off the internet. I just hope my family wouldn't catch me with the package.

 

[heisenberg]

5-10 spoonfuls is more than enough. 25g is the standard for people under 100kg. id recommend looking through the threads here on sn. i'm sorry you've had to deal with so much in life though, that sounds like an awful situation to be in. i hope you're able to find the peace you deserve.

 

[dextof01]

5-10 spoonfuls is more than enough. 25g is the standard for people under 100kg. id recommend looking through the threads here on sn. i'm sorry you've had to deal with so much in life though, that sounds like an awful situation to be in. i hope you're able to find the peace you deserve.

thank you so much. i only weigh like 68 kg or around that. i was planning on using a shotgun when i had been posting on my last account last year, but i haven't even been able to get employed in the time since then and i don't even think i could get a firearm considering i'd probably have to fill out a lot of paperwork. it just goes to show how pathetic and useless i am and how i haven't improved in the last 7 months. i hope that i wont end up like a vegetable and be forced to live or something like that after i ingest the SN

 

[heisenberg]

thank you so much. i only weigh like 68 kg or around that. i was planning on using a shotgun when i had been posting on my last account last year, but i haven't even been able to get employed in the time since then and i don't even think i could get a firearm considering i'd probably have to fill out a lot of paperwork. it just goes to show how pathetic and useless i am and how i haven't improved in the last 7 months. i hope that i wont end up like a vegetable and be forced to live or something like that after i ingest the SN

lasting side effects from a failed SN attempt are few and far between. i read that two user had nausea, trouble remembering, and the urge to pee more after a failed attempt. not to say it can't happen, it's highly highly unlikely. majority of users who failed with SN had no problems afterwards.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really dreadful what you are going through, existence really is too cruel but anyway I hope that you eventually find freedom from your suffering.