Venting I plan to CTB in a few months but worried I can’t wait that long

[whenwillthepainstop]

I know people might think why not just do it then if you're planning to anyway but like most things in life it's not that easy and not that simple. My planning is meant to take me until February for many reasons and I'm not someone who does this impulsively(not judging anyone who does) and if I do it before then it will cause many problems and lots of pain(mainly for others) and I know suicide has its consequences either way but still. My mental state has somehow gotten even worse than before though and every second feels unbearable and I need help with trying to stay alive until then. What do I do??? And I keep hearing voices telling me to do it but I can't do it so soon somebody please help me and maybe comfort me too :(. I feel like I should go to the mental hospital for my urges but I can't(it's complicated to explain why) and I have to act normal in front of others.

 

[bloominghopelessne]

I feel exactly the same way as you, and I hear the same things. For me, it might be a bit more complicated because circumstances loom over me like vultures. I could do it in November, or I could do it in May. It all takes a very long time. The latter, with perfect planning and behavior, would be the best, but I'm not sure I have the strength to make it that far. November is preferable because of the timing. It's all complicated. Is it possible to suggest communication here? I would like to talk with you.