nails
wait i'm goated
- Feb 12, 2023
- 418
these are not in chronological order (especially because there's some overlap).
as a child, i starting homeschooling because kids were mean + i could barely even attend due to my health issues
no friends, no life experiences, socially cooked to the point where it's impossible for me to make connections because i jsut cant relate to anyone and i struggle to navigate social interactions.
making friends online because i am extremely depressed due to lonelinessall of my friends left and now i'm worse off. i'm now extremely paranoid and anxious all of the time.
move in with my brothers to get away from my grandmother (she was a source of stress for me and she's just kinda horrible overall)living with my brothers is even worse for a lot of reasons and now i can't move back.
starting university to actually get out there and start working towards somethingstill alone because of point 1. also, my doctor ends up doing something stupid without my knowledge or consent, next thing i know i have to withdraw from all my classes and now i owe thousands to financial aid. not to mention, i only saw that doctor to help a health concern that has been affecting me for a long time. btw, i'm still struggling with that health issue and it causes a lot of problems.
start working to pay that backsome other stuff happens and i now have other expenses to worry about. plus, my job is horrible, the people are horrible, i experience sexual harassment from random workers and even the higher-ups. it all just makes me want to kill myself more and it worsened my mental state. a lot of other shit went wrong because of my job but i've yapped about it before. no, i can't find another job.
am i meant to be miserable or something? i work towards fixing things, but they either remain unchanged or get worse. what am i supposed to do? apparently every decision is incorrect, no matter how much i plan or think it out. i recognize that basically every decision will have some negative consequences, but everything i do just results in something that has a catastrophic effect on me/my mental state. it seems i'm incapable of making the right decisions. death is the only way out of these conundrums, i guess.
i'm cooked
as a child, i starting homeschooling because kids were mean + i could barely even attend due to my health issues
no friends, no life experiences, socially cooked to the point where it's impossible for me to make connections because i jsut cant relate to anyone and i struggle to navigate social interactions.making friends online because i am extremely depressed due to loneliness
all of my friends left and now i'm worse off. i'm now extremely paranoid and anxious all of the time.move in with my brothers to get away from my grandmother (she was a source of stress for me and she's just kinda horrible overall)
living with my brothers is even worse for a lot of reasons and now i can't move back.starting university to actually get out there and start working towards something
still alone because of point 1. also, my doctor ends up doing something stupid without my knowledge or consent, next thing i know i have to withdraw from all my classes and now i owe thousands to financial aid. not to mention, i only saw that doctor to help a health concern that has been affecting me for a long time. btw, i'm still struggling with that health issue and it causes a lot of problems.start working to pay that back
some other stuff happens and i now have other expenses to worry about. plus, my job is horrible, the people are horrible, i experience sexual harassment from random workers and even the higher-ups. it all just makes me want to kill myself more and it worsened my mental state. a lot of other shit went wrong because of my job but i've yapped about it before. no, i can't find another job.am i meant to be miserable or something? i work towards fixing things, but they either remain unchanged or get worse. what am i supposed to do? apparently every decision is incorrect, no matter how much i plan or think it out. i recognize that basically every decision will have some negative consequences, but everything i do just results in something that has a catastrophic effect on me/my mental state. it seems i'm incapable of making the right decisions. death is the only way out of these conundrums, i guess.
i'm cooked
