I need to go

[pleasexbexover]

No money
No life
No (viable) options left
No water
No internet
Soon to be no power
Soon to be no home
Cannot do this anymore
Waited years and years for things to get better and theyve done nothing but get worse
I dont think there's a light at the end of the tunnel for me
I dont think I have it in me to be the person I wanted to be when I was younger
The "hard work" I thought I was doing was just getting me nowhere
I need to go. My ideal method was overdosing on something strong, I have no money. Im afraid that im too incompetent to pull off co poisoning especially now that im without a car
I wish I could buy weed laced with fent and die doing the only thing that makes me less miserable
There is nothing left of me, nor is there anything left for me
Ive been losing the small bit of motivation I had left to take my medicine
Maybe in a few days once ive run out of meds and when I get paid my measly $200 ill be able to get something to do the trick. I dont know what. No one will sell me a gun, and even if they did I have no way to drive to get it. Can't drown myself in my tub with my water cut off. Can't overdose on 10 vistaril. Can't. Can't. Can't cant cant cant cant cant cant cant cant cant cant cant

 

[darksouls]

I am so sorry for your situation
that all sounds very cruel
however you decide
I wish you the best

 

[enjoytheride]

Hi! This really sounds like a terrible situation to be in. "Between a rock and a hard place" doesn't do justice to how grave it is. I am sorry.
Are there any people, relatives or friends, that you could reach out to? Could they help you financially or support you in any other way? Are there any social services where you live that could assist?

Sorry if these questions sound stupid - you probably have thought things through.

I wish you find means to stay alive, afloat financially and physically, and find reasons to not make the forever decision. I too find it hard to stick around. I hope you are able to overcome this.

I too had different dreams for life when I was younger. I've done most of what is supposedly required to become a so called "successful" person. But it turns out society and people in general do things and treat you pretty much arbitrarily - having studied and/or working hard and honestly is far from enough - politics/intrigues seem to determine things. I have been barred from opportunities just because people who hold the keys don't like me or feel that I may be a threat. Same for relationships - some "friends" cutting me off events as to isolate me from other friends, for no reason. "Friends" withholding information about job or other opportunities for no apparent reason other than being afraid I could overtake them on the imaginary social ladder. It hurts a lot. I could go on...

The important thing is that I decided to keep pushing and not giving up on myself just because some other people have and would like to see me fail spectacularly, for their entertainment and low self-esteem. I am not joining that choir of silent haters. I will listen to the song of the Divine. I will try to write my own story the best I can under the circumstances. I will try to be a Spartacus - in spite of circumstances - I am not my circumstances.

You can lose everything but never yourself - and with this starting over again as many times as necessary is possible.

I like to share this e-book from time to time on this forum, as I believe it has helped me see things a bit differently: https://qprinstitute.com/pdfs/Forever_Decision.pdf I hope it helps you as well, even if just a tiny bit.

P.S.: I just remembered. Are there any communities not too far rom where you live which are similar to the one in the video?



There are many such eco communities around the globe. Usually, you don't need any money to live there, but just to contribute to the activities. And people seem to be chill. I have thought about retreating to one such haven in the past, to try to heal and have a proper rest from society.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's so cruel and dreadful to me how there's all this suffering in existing, I hope you find peace, it sounds like you've suffered so much.

 

[tiredoflife2]

Do they cut your water off in America?

 

[pleasexbexover]

Do they cut your water off in America?

Yes and your power if you dont pay. Im calling my power company later to see if they'll give me some kind of extension if I give them some kind of money