Venting I need help

[Fangarina]

Everything was normal. As expected I now have the irresistible urge to go fucking feral with the self harm. One bottle of laxatives? Oh no now it's two. Handfuls of pills by the hour. I will fuck myself up I don't care what it takes.

Your body really doesn't want to go anywhere
I can't believe how poorly you have been feeling, how much you ingest - and everything is fine.

Wish there was something I could say, but really there isn't

 

[willitpass]

I got home and immediately took a bunch of laxatives. First thing tomorrow morning will be a hefty handful of pain killers. No fucking food either.
If a bottle of laxatives and handfuls of pain killers and everything else I'm doing can't even fuck my electrolytes then I will do anything and everything. I deserve to fuck my body over. Why can't I fucking die??? It's a sick fucking joke that people who want to be healthy and alive die so easily and I can do so many fucking things and be fine? It doesn't make any fucking sense.

 

[willitpass]

Energy drinks, pain killers, and laxatives are the only things I will allow myself to consume. I will not consume anything else until I fully collapse.

 

[CatLvr]

Everything was normal. As expected I now have the irresistible urge to go fucking feral with the self harm. One bottle of laxatives? Oh no now it's two. Handfuls of pills by the hour. I will fuck myself up I don't care what it takes.

OMG! I would be lying if I said I wasn't absolutely gobsmacked! Bless your heart! I'd give anything if I knew what would take your self-loathing away.

 

[willitpass]

I should not have gone. Because knowing that everything was normal means I'm going to make everything so much worse. If I'm not sick I'm not hurting myself enough. Next time I find myself in a hospital will be when I'm in the fucking morgue. I will hurt myself in unspeakable ways. I disgust myself. I loathe myself. I hate that my body compensates so well for all I do to it. I will make myself deathly ill and I will not do a damn thing about it. Bottles upon bottles of laxatives and pain killers. I don't fucking care. I hate myself. I just want to fucking die.

 

[willitpass]

Early morning and I've already taken over 6x the max dose of naproxen and 2x the max dose of Tylenol. On my second energy drink of the day. I've been reserving laxatives for the evenings on most days, so I haven't taken any yet but I'm still feeling the effects of last nights dose. I'll take more tonight. I will not fucking stop. I'll tack on some Celebrex and aspirin here and there too. I will not fucking eat a god damned thing. I will just continue to take laxatives on an empty GI tract. If that doesn't fuck my electrolytes then god at that point I'd be questioning if I'm even fucking human. I will not stop until I literally collapse. I don't care if it happens in public and I get shipped to the hospital at this point. I don't fucking care. There is nothing left for me to care about. Nothing that I am doing is sustainable so whatever happens to me fucking happens.

 

[willitpass]

I'm struggling to stay awake right now. My body is so tired I could fall asleep standing up.