Help I need advice please

[mumukio]

Every day feels heavy and meaningless. I'm not in college, I don't have any real friends I can talk to, and I can't find work. It's like I'm stuck on the outside of life, watching everyone else move forward while I stay in the same dark place.

Talking to people feels almost impossible. I freeze up or sound weird and dry, and when I do talk I either say nothing or overshare because I'm so anxious. It makes me hate myself even more. I hate how I look, I hate my personality, I hate my living situation. I hate everything about myself.

At home it feels suffocating. My family is so controlling and emotionally and religiously manipulative that I feel trapped. It's like there's no room to breathe.

I feel like a failure in every part of my life. My twin sister is the complete opposite of me. Confident, liked, "better" and I'm constantly compared to her by everyone. Every time that happens it's like another piece of me disappears.

I just feel empty and lost. It's been like this for years, I've went to therapy but my therapist was so dismissive. She'd respond with really short or generic comments like 'everyone feels that way sometimes' or 'just try to think more positive.' When I'd try to go deeper or explain how badly I was struggling, she'd either change the subject or jump straight to advice without listening. It made me feel like my feelings weren't being taken seriously, and I eventually stopped opening up because it felt pointless.

I have no clue how to go about this anymore. I just want to feel better and try to get my life together. Any advice?

 

[Forever Sleep]

Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry you are struggling so much and have so little support.

I can throw a few things out there but, I suspect you may have heard them before. I've found that a common interest tends to help in forming friendships. Have you considered joining clubs or even short courses? I imagine money is a problem if you have to rely on your family but, hopefully they may help out if it looks like you are doing something constructive.

I struggle a lot socially too. I've pretty much decided to withdraw from real life friendships. However, in the past, I probably gravitated to people who were also more quiet and socially awkward on occassions. Not everyone will expect you to be the life and soul of the party and kinder people will accept the odd blunder of oversharing. We've probably all done it. I suppose it's partly luck, finding someone you really click with but, you do need to be around people to increase the likelihood of that happening I suppose.

It's sad that you and a lot of people here hold so much hate towards yourself. I did more when I was younger. I suppose as I aged, I started to think about why I was like I was. Not that it's great to start blaming other people instead but, I think it can allow us to be more forgiving towards ourselves- hopefully- if we realise that some of the things that affected us were out of our hands.

I hope you can find some sollace here. There are some really lovely people here and likely many who can relate to what you're going through.

 

[mumukio]

Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry you are struggling so much and have so little support.

I can throw a few things out there but, I suspect you may have heard them before. I've found that a common interest tends to help in forming friendships. Have you considered joining clubs or even short courses? I imagine money is a problem if you have to rely on your family but, hopefully they may help out if it looks like you are doing something constructive.

I struggle a lot socially too. I've pretty much decided to withdraw from real life friendships. However, in the past, I probably gravitated to people who were also more quiet and socially awkward on occassions. Not everyone will expect you to be the life and soul of the party and kinder people will accept the odd blunder of oversharing. We've probably all done it. I suppose it's partly luck, finding someone you really click with but, you do need to be around people to increase the likelihood of that happening I suppose.

It's sad that you and a lot of people here hold so much hate towards yourself. I did more when I was younger. I suppose as I aged, I started to think about why I was like I was. Not that it's great to start blaming other people instead but, I think it can allow us to be more forgiving towards ourselves- hopefully- if we realise that some of the things that affected us were out of our hands.

I hope you can find some sollace here. There are some really lovely people here and likely many who can relate to what you're going through.

Thank you for taking the time to write and the welcome. It's a little comforting just to feel like someone understands.

I've tried joining clubs, in school and after I graduated trying to find people I could connect with but it never lasts. After a few weeks, I end up not going back. Either I can't hold a conversation and they start avoiding me because of the awkwardness or I get so anxious I don't say anything at all the entire time and keep to myself. It's like no matter how much I try, I just can't fit in. That makes me hate myself even more because I know I'm missing out on what everyone else seems to do so easily.

I get what you mean about socializing and finding someone who really clicks. I've been around people before who were quieter or awkward too and even then, I feel like I fail. Oversharing, freezing, saying nothing. It's constant. I feel like I'm always on the outside. I know that "luck" might play a role, but when you feel like you can't even get past the first step of talking to someone, it's hard to see any luck coming my way.

I've tried thinking about why I'm like this, and sometimes I can see that some of it is out of my control, but that doesn't make it any easier. The shame, the anxiety, the loneliness doesn't just go away. I don't really know how to forgive myself when I feel so stuck.

I hope you're right about this place,
reading your response at least made me feel for a second like I'm not screaming into a void. Thank you :)

 

[Leonszabs]

I can really relate to your post quite a bit. First of all, I am very sorry that you are experiencing this, I know how hard it is to make friends. Most of my friends are online which lowkey sucks but they're the ones who understand me the most. I would always constantly struggle making friends in person and eventually, I just gave up. I also can't find work either and it has shattered my motivation; I get job rejections constantly.

My family is also religious which really works well with me being the literal only atheist in my family LOL. Constantly being belittled by my mom over my beliefs really is quite annoying. I also get compared to some of my siblings and it makes me feel like shit, so I get it.

The way I try to better myself is just constantly trying to talk to new people. I actually found some of my friends through Fortnite or other games I play, maybe you could do the same. Try to be kind to yourself, you'll get through it.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Thank you for taking the time to write and the welcome. It's a little comforting just to feel like someone understands.

I've tried joining clubs, in school and after I graduated trying to find people I could connect with but it never lasts. After a few weeks, I end up not going back. Either I can't hold a conversation and they start avoiding me because of the awkwardness or I get so anxious I don't say anything at all the entire time and keep to myself. It's like no matter how much I try, I just can't fit in. That makes me hate myself even more because I know I'm missing out on what everyone else seems to do so easily.

I get what you mean about socializing and finding someone who really clicks. I've been around people before who were quieter or awkward too and even then, I feel like I fail. Oversharing, freezing, saying nothing. It's constant. I feel like I'm always on the outside. I know that "luck" might play a role, but when you feel like you can't even get past the first step of talking to someone, it's hard to see any luck coming my way.

I've tried thinking about why I'm like this, and sometimes I can see that some of it is out of my control, but that doesn't make it any easier. The shame, the anxiety, the loneliness doesn't just go away. I don't really know how to forgive myself when I feel so stuck.

I hope you're right about this place,
reading your response at least made me feel for a second like I'm not screaming into a void. Thank you :)

It's kind of understandable that you keep blaming yourself- because you see yourself as the common denominator. But sometimes, it can be other people too. There are definitely people I would never likely be friends with. It's not that there's anything wrong with them or me. We're just different. Different interests, different values.

Some people may just not be looking for friendship too. I do feel like the world in general has become more hostile since covid. I don't know if that's just my pessimistic outlook but, I wouldn't fancy being young now. It was difficult enough when I was young.

Again though- I understand. It doesn't exactly solve the problem but maybe it should take the sole responsibility off of you. That there may not be anything wrong with you as such. You've maybe just been unlucky with who you've tried to socialise with.

How to overcome it is more tricky I suppose. I think all you can do is try to continue to meet new people. It does mean risking more rejection but then, it also at least gives you the chance of meeting the person who's right for you. I so hope it does happen for you.

 

[58Alice85]

it isn't you it is everyone else who is moving towards disaster

 

[hell toupee]

I know people probably think I'm crazy but what if you were to consider that you are actually a highly advanced being who planned and chose a particularly difficult life when most people plan and choose easy lives? The simple fact that you crammed your consciousness in to a physical body - tethering it to emotions and sense organs, is considered brave enough as it is, but to intricately plan and choose a life of suffering is usually only attempted by the bravest of souls. You did this for a reason.

Call me crazy, I don't care. The sooner you recognize the above, the sooner you can start holding your head up.