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obei

obei

This is the only place where you can say “kys”
Aug 4, 2023
247
Ok well I hatttteeee self diagnosing, and Im not doing that, but I just feel like something is really wrong with me.
So I am diagnosed with anorexia F50.0 and depressive episode F32.1.
My therapist said I have BPD symptoms but not the disorder since I have some childhood trauma and abuse and that may be the reason for my symptoms.
But I do feel like I do have BPD or some shit since I really dont function normally, but If Its true and I dont have anything, and its just my personality traits, then Im screwed and a fucking piece of shit.
Also when I was first hospitalized I did some tests and they did nothing except tell me I tend to avoid and run away when I have issues, which is true.
Also I dont wanna get a second opinion since I love my therapist and got attached to her, Im scared to gocto someone else.

If you are wondering, here is the symptoms Im mostly worried about, so you can tell me your thoughts about them: I have severe attachment issues, mostly to females and tend to try and find motherly figure in them (childhood trauma prob), I usually either love a person to death and get severly attached or just dont feel any emotion towards them. Its mostly in relationships, I tend to not feel any emotions towards them once I get into relationship, I told uall that In previous posts. I have severe black and white thinking about everything, its either amazing or really bad, no in between. I have anger issues sometimes and really severe emotional shifts, from feeling hyped to not being able to get out of bed. I have unstable shifts of self image, one day I love myself and feel like Im a good person and all that and the next I just hate everything about myself. Also I tend to get paranoid from time to time, like someone is watching me or wants to hurt me, it can be about a real life person.
And last but not least, I am really scared of being abandoned, like severely, which is prob due to me being adopted and being in an orphanage for the first 11 months.

Send me your thoughts I really need advice
 
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Unicr0n

Unicr0n

Stuck in a black hole...
Mar 26, 2024
216
but If Its true and I dont have anything,
Not being diagnosed with BPD =/= not having any mental disorder/illness. It just means you don't have enough symptoms to verifiably be diagnosed with BPD. Just like you having sore muscles and a runny nose doesn't automatically mean you have the flu; it's some of the symptoms but not enough to verify that it's the flu. It doesn't invalidate the symptoms that you have nor the experiences you're going through.

My therapist said I have BPD symptoms but not the disorder since I have some childhood trauma and abuse and that may be the reason for my symptoms.
However, 80% of BPD individuals had emotional/physical/sexual abuse during childhood [source]. So why they're dismissing that you might have BPD because of your trauma and abuse is weird.
 
untothedepths

untothedepths

I am falling I am fading I have lost it all
Mar 20, 2023
228
I have similar issues as you and I've been through a lot of hell in my childhood. The only thing I would say is I make a conscious effort to try to see things in 'shades of gray' though my immediate reaction is the black/white thought first. The way I am in relationships (all like friendships and stuff) is that I will treat them like my best friend forever or cut them out of my life entirely if they do something bad or I feel like I've become too depressed to be around them. I also fear nearly every social interactions I have because I feel like people want to leave me or hate me. My moods are also so exhausting - really angry, sad, nothing. Rinse and repeat. Problem is I cannot even afford a therapist for these issues, so while I'd like to get diagnosed and maybe get some help, I'm left with the reality I just cannot afford it.

Unrelated but fuck money.
 
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Yarani

Yarani

the only constant is change.
Mar 29, 2024
100
A problem that hasn't been diagnosed is not less valid than a diagnosed one. We don't have labels for everything. We're even far from fully understanding how the brain works!

That being said, I think I can relate.
I, too, think I am missing a critical diagnosis and have a totally wrong one. And it bugs me, too.

As an example: during my first hospital stay, one of the psychiatrists did not believe me what was happening to me and diagnosed a starting schizophrenia *facepalm*. Luckily she was only a replacement for a few days, the main psychiatrist came back and took me off the useless med and canceled that diagnosis. Only many years later did it hit me how invalidating that was. I can understand her though.


But an important question is ... does it affect your treatment?
It may, especially for BPD. Maybe you can gently voice your concerns again?
Also ... who diagnosed you? The therapist? Due to which criteria/instruments? Not sure if a therapist is qualified for that in every country. What qualifications does she have? A clinical psychologist would usually be qualified to diagnose, and usually have the necessary instruments. I don't know if that's a possible option for you.

If you have a suspicion, you could consider pursuing it with the goal of a convincing result in either direction.
Or, the therapy could help you nonetheless, it's supposed to adapt to your needs. I don't know enough to say if a diagnosis would make it significantly different.

Also, it being "only" a personality doesn't make it less valid either. You're not the only influence on that. Your genes, your environmental and social surroundings, your experiences ... There are so many factors. Also, if your childhood/younger years were shit, if any previous experiences were shit, it takes time and other resources to change. Try to be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to take that time and resources. :hug:

It might be great if you would be able to discuss this with your therapist! It could potentially bring clarity quickly. I understand there are fears about that though.


This will probably not help much. But on the off-chance that it might, I felt I wanted to say it nonetheless.

I hope you get better.
 
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obei

obei

This is the only place where you can say “kys”
Aug 4, 2023
247
A problem that hasn't been diagnosed is not less valid than a diagnosed one. We don't have labels for everything. We're even far from fully understanding how the brain works!

That being said, I think I can relate.
I, too, think I am missing a critical diagnosis and have a totally wrong one. And it bugs me, too.

As an example: during my first hospital stay, one of the psychiatrists did not believe me what was happening to me and diagnosed a starting schizophrenia *facepalm*. Luckily she was only a replacement for a few days, the main psychiatrist came back and took me off the useless med and canceled that diagnosis. Only many years later did it hit me how invalidating that was. I can understand her though.


But an important question is ... does it affect your treatment?
It may, especially for BPD. Maybe you can gently voice your concerns again?
Also ... who diagnosed you? The therapist? Due to which criteria/instruments? Not sure if a therapist is qualified for that in every country. What qualifications does she have? A clinical psychologist would usually be qualified to diagnose, and usually have the necessary instruments. I don't know if that's a possible option for you.

If you have a suspicion, you could consider pursuing it with the goal of a convincing result in either direction.
Or, the therapy could help you nonetheless, it's supposed to adapt to your needs. I don't know enough to say if a diagnosis would make it significantly different.

Also, it being "only" a personality doesn't make it less valid either. You're not the only influence on that. Your genes, your environmental and social surroundings, your experiences ... There are so many factors. Also, if your childhood/younger years were shit, if any previous experiences were shit, it takes time and other resources to change. Try to be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to take that time and resources. :hug:

It might be great if you would be able to discuss this with your therapist! It could potentially bring clarity quickly. I understand there are fears about that though.


This will probably not help much. But on the off-chance that it might, I felt I wanted to say it nonetheless.

I hope you get better.
you reminded me how much I love this forum, thank you for being understandind AND helpful ❤️ ill talk to my therapist about what exactly is my problem, and if its something diagnosable and treatable. Sending love your way!
 
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Yarani

Yarani

the only constant is change.
Mar 29, 2024
100
Woah, did not expect this ...
It makes me happy to learn that could make a decision! And, although not knowing your circumstances, I still think it's a really good one! Talking it out can often be an excellent first option before considering to escalate further.
Thank you for your very kind reply, I value it very much. :hug:

If you want, maybe post an update after talking to her? Curious to see how it will go.

Much love :heart:
 
obei

obei

This is the only place where you can say “kys”
Aug 4, 2023
247
Woah, did not expect this ...
It makes me happy to learn that could make a decision! And, although not knowing your circumstances, I still think it's a really good one! Talking it out can often be an excellent first option before considering to escalate further.
Thank you for your very kind reply, I value it very much. :hug:

If you want, maybe post an update after talking to her? Curious to see how it will go.

Much love :heart:
Sure, if you want ill tag you in the update hahah 😁
 
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