I miss the old me

[cali22♡]

Hello people,

It really gets me down thinking about my old life...

I used to be happy like everyone else here, I missed nothing, had goals and dreams

However, because of a few blows of fate and a few people who have destroyed my life, I have been suffering from it for several years now I can hide well from myself but my thoughts remain and I just have to let them out, there is simply no other way....



Do you miss your old self?

<3

 

[GoSan1]

I hate my old self, toxic, selfish and mean, hurting others without thinking about it. Then there were these unbearable pains too, they made me what I am today, but it was still very painful and I won't forget it.

Now Id say the toxic and mean part is mostly gone, but my selfishness is still there, else I wouldn't ctb soon...

 

[cali22♡]

I hate my old self, toxic, selfish and mean, hurting others without thinking about it. Then there were these unbearable pains too, they made me what I am today, but it was still very painful and I won't forget it.

Now Id say the toxic and mean part is mostly gone, but my selfishness is still there, else I wouldn't ctb soon...

Why do you think they made you the way you are now?

 

[GoSan1]

Why do you think they made you the way you are now?

When in pain you get more aware of other people's pain because you can relate, especially if on a daily basis. Once the pain settles down for the day, you reflect on life and yourself. Makes you see things you wouldn't really think about on a normal basis. I might be just yapping though, since I don't even now know myself whats going on rn...

 

[aikou]

So much. When I was younger I always looked down upon people such as my current self, I thought since I attended school regularly, had friends, and was happier than the average person surrounding me online, I'd turn out fine, if not a happy one, at least a functional adult

I kind of miss that youthful thinking, and I was also a lot more responsible with what I said and what I did.

 

[finallydone]

old me has the same suffering as new me so it makes no difference

 

[selfsabotagequeen]

i miss the me before everything hurt me. i was such a beautiful little girl. unfortunately i have been used and abused by stupid boys who didn't care about me, had perfect friends and lost them, became an unhappy scarred closed off girl who hardly trusts and who is desperately scrambling to make it day by day and get back my potential. i have achieved so much, and now none of it means anything. i have a wonderful boyfriend who loves me unconditionally even when im in an episode and havent eaten or looked after myself, and because of my bpd and my past trauma and narcissistic abuse and sexual assault, im a fraction of myself and struggle with bpd and lash out at him, which breaks my heart because he is an angel and treats me like a princess, just for me to hurt him and im mean and angry and quiet and a terrible daughter. i miss the happy fun me. everyday. i miss my little girl self, ive had to grow up too fast.

 

[lost_ange1]

Yeah I felt the same until I slowly discovered that even my "old me" wasn't doing that good but I didn't know things back then, I had a different view on things and thought everything was fine, even if it wasn't.

The knowledge we get throughout our lifes are what make us aware of our past situations until to the present.

Of course I wish I had that childish, carefree mindset again, delete all the knowledge and believe everything is fine but it won't change anything as deep down the problems have been there ever since I was a kid and just growing into more problems the older I got until everything boiled over..

 

[MidnightCat]

I hate my old self, toxic, selfish and mean, hurting others without thinking about it. Then there were these unbearable pains too, they made me what I am today, but it was still very painful and I won't forget it.

Now Id say the toxic and mean part is mostly gone, but my selfishness is still there, else I wouldn't ctb soon...

I feel you.

I think about past me in a very similar manner.

That said... I was, factually, worse than I am nowadays, but the hate remains the same.

I gotta say tho... I kinda miss my old self.

I might be selfish for even thinking that, after all... I was more toxic, I let out rage, I sh'd all the time...

But still, miss it. Nowadays I feel like I'm in shackles. I'm chained so no rage or toxicity escapes, but they do fester inside or me, devouring me.

Bpd's a hell. Quiet BPD is it's torture chamber.

 

[unsurehowtomove]

I do miss the old me that was more hopeful and engaged with life. I'm not sure I'll ever be that person again. I'm learning to be ok with that but it's hard.