Venting I miss my sister so much

[@araxy]

I am losing my memories. I was reminded of such a fact from a Polaroid picture of my sister and I together, being goofy as young teenagers usually are. It rests on my desk now, and it makes me only weep when I gaze upon it. So many good memories washed away. What's worse is I rarely see her and when I do I am disconnected or too attuned with my thoughts that I hurt her with my words. I dearly miss her presence and all I feel is guilt hurting her with the honesty regarding myself. She too struggles and does not need to hear it whenever we see each other once in a blue moon.

I am so sorry. I am sorry for pushing you away. You are/were an angel helping me preserve myself in a world of monsters. I feel only a deep, piercing pain whenever I try to will the memories to return but all I do is fall deeper in the pit of apathy when I fail to reclaim them. I love you so dearly and I am sorry for whatever happens in the future.

I hope for no conscious when I pass but if there is an afterlife, I hope to see you again. You are the most special person in my world and it only hurts to think about hurting you further when I carry the banner of action towards my destined fate. I love you.

This is a stupid, incomprehensible vent post and I am sorry for any viewers who feel they have wasted their time reading this. Peace and serenity be with you all.