Venting I miss crying

[DeeDog]

I haven't cried in nearly a year. The last time, I did it wasted, embarrassed, and in front of a fucking audience, but I still miss it. It felt like I was letting it all out instead of festering inside me. When I was younger, like 15 maybe, I would cry almost every night, sob into my pillow until my head hurt and I was literally too exhausted to stay awake. I really miss crying. Now, my eyes will water, but nothing happens. I'm still miserable but now there's no catharsis, no release. The feeling of being so tired, head aching slightly as I drifted to sleep, after letting all of it out was the best part of my day cuz for a minute I'd feel ok. I just want it to stop. I just want to stop feeling so terrible every single day. I'm not ready to ctb, even though I fantasize about it every day. I wish I was brave enough. The only times it's bearable is when I'm drunk or asleep. I just wish I'd never existed.

 

[skeptikus]

I also don't know what's wrong with me. I know crying will make me feel better. But no tears come out. Is this a sign there is something physically wrong with our brains?