I might have hit the jackpot - cancer!

[JmPittsburgh]

This might be premature, but I can't stop thinking about it and this is the only place I can share it, as will become clear.

I smoked for about 15 years. I quit a couple of years back, but over the last few months I've been feeling all of the classic symptoms of lung cancer - shortness of breath, dry cough, hoarseness, low energy.... I'm seeing my primary care physician in a couple of weeks, and am hoping against hope for a cancer diagnosis. Yes, I know cancer of any kind can be a long and miserable, painful death. But that's if you fight. I don't plan to fight. First of all, I live in a state with a right-to-die law, so if I am indeed terminally ill I will have control over that. Second, even if for some reason I don't meet the state's criteria (I'm sure there's a mental-health loophole in there big enough to drive a truck through; I've never been hospitalized but there are a lot of antidepressants in my blood and have been for quite a while) - there will be a big difference between CTB because I find life unbearable, vs. simply hastening the inevitable via CTB. Everyone will have their chance to say what they want to say to me, nobody will feel guilty or think "if only I had..." etc., etc.

(The TL/DR on why I haven't CTB already via another means - I have a couple of family members to whom I'm close, and I'm pretty sure my suicide would ruin their lives. But there's a big difference between suddenly learning your sibling has killed himself vs. having a disease take him even if it's "too soon".)

(The TL/DR on my method if I can't go through "approved" end-of-life channels: fentanyl overdose.)

(The TL/DR on why people won't be mad at me since I "caused" my cancer [not an unreasonable position]: I lost my dad to lung cancer, and people were just sad. Nobody blamed him for it.)

Like I said, very very premature, but it feels good to write this down. Thanks if you read this far!

 

[Zaphkiel]

Damn.
It's weird saying "fingers crossed" for such a thing but well.
here we are.
Hell of a bingo card.

 

[apooka]

sounds so messed up to say this but i totally get it. it's a lot easier to just die from an illness, compared to ending it on your own. ive often thought maybe it would be nice to have cancer or a fatal illness, but thats obviously speaking from the pov of someone who wants to die anyway. my dad has severe lung issues and it's really awful to see, i hope you don't go through too much pain <3 wishing you the best

 

[hell toupee]

This might be premature, but I can't stop thinking about it and this is the only place I can share it, as will become clear.

I smoked for about 15 years. I quit a couple of years back, but over the last few months I've been feeling all of the classic symptoms of lung cancer - shortness of breath, dry cough, hoarseness, low energy.... I'm seeing my primary care physician in a couple of weeks, and am hoping against hope for a cancer diagnosis. Yes, I know cancer of any kind can be a long and miserable, painful death. But that's if you fight. I don't plan to fight. First of all, I live in a state with a right-to-die law, so if I am indeed terminally ill I will have control over that. Second, even if for some reason I don't meet the state's criteria (I'm sure there's a mental-health loophole in there big enough to drive a truck through; I've never been hospitalized but there are a lot of antidepressants in my blood and have been for quite a while) - there will be a big difference between CTB because I find life unbearable, vs. simply hastening the inevitable via CTB. Everyone will have their chance to say what they want to say to me, nobody will feel guilty or think "if only I had..." etc., etc.

(The TL/DR on why I haven't CTB already via another means - I have a couple of family members to whom I'm close, and I'm pretty sure my suicide would ruin their lives. But there's a big difference between suddenly learning your sibling has killed himself vs. having a disease take him even if it's "too soon".)

(The TL/DR on my method if I can't go through "approved" end-of-life channels: fentanyl overdose.)

(The TL/DR on why people won't be mad at me since I "caused" my cancer [not an unreasonable position]: I lost my dad to lung cancer, and people were just sad. Nobody blamed him for it.)

Like I said, very very premature, but it feels good to write this down. Thanks if you read this far!

I have thought of this as well. I'm also a smoker and still do.

I had long wished I could just develop cancer, only because it would be much easier on my mother - who is the only family I have left. Even though we were never very close, I know if she finds out I took my own life, it would be devastating. Knowing I died because cancer and MAID law is something completely different.

In regards to MAID, I don't know what state you are in, but almost all of them require a terminal illness (such as cancer), with less than 6 months to live. So you kind of have to wait until it gets pretty bad before you qualify for MAID.

In regards to MAID and mental health, as far as I'm aware US MAID laws do not include mental illness in their criteria - it's only terminal illness/less than 6 months left. However I know a few of the right to die orgs in Europe do accept people just for mental health problems and no terminal illness. In fact, there was quite a bit of controversy a few years ago when a young girl (I believe in her 20's) took advantage of euthanasia on the basis that she had been suffering from crippling depression for her entire life.

I hope you find peace in whatever you do. At the very least, if it turns out you do have cancer, you will have access to some pretty powerful medications.