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H

healthrecovery

Specialist
Sep 25, 2021
378
I have the feeling i might do it tonight. The feeling of using my N draws closer..these invega sustenna shots totally ruined me...i already had severe burnout and ptsd and these meds gave me another one on top of it..it takes a year or more to recover from this crap it makes me extremely suicidal

Then i have issues which cannot be resolved i cannot turn back time

Sadly i love life to a certain degree...if i wouldnt have gotten these shots i would still have a pretty hard life but i wouldn't ctb

I cannot stop ruminating over my past mistakes its horrible i want to be released from this plane
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
43,293
I understand it is hard to carry on when everything is so hopeless. Living really is painful. Whatever happens, I wish you the best. At least you have N, you have the option to exit peacefully at a time of your own choosing.
 
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healthrecovery

Specialist
Sep 25, 2021
378
The thing which holds me back is how my mom would feel that kind of sucks...
Its just better to have nobody when you ctb

Things run through your mind when you are about to make that leap
 
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D

ddd1234

Experienced
Nov 23, 2021
268
I wish I had N. Good luck and keep us posted.
 
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Snake of Eden

Snake of Eden

“Ye shall be as gods..🍎 🐍”
Jun 22, 2021
2,473
If you would recover from the shots effects in one year i think you should consider powering it through.
 
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E

Eternal Oblivion

Student
Nov 23, 2021
195
If you would recover from the shots effects in one year i think you should consider powering it through.
I agree with this.

If you think that there is a chance you should recover your health, perhaps wait.

We are here for you.
 
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H

healthrecovery

Specialist
Sep 25, 2021
378
Yeah most people take about a year to recover ..but also alot take up to 3 or 5 years they all have some permanent issues tho...its just fucking hardcore walking around with braindamage..im unable to experience pleasure, emotions, stimuli, severe anhedonia its like half of my brain is missing...first month i thought i was going to die of stroke. I'm unable to get high or drunk no matter how much i drink. I feel really bad for people who have been in car accidents and that kind of stuff.

I deeply regret ever going into a psychiatric hospital i got ruined....

I was about to ctb tonight but my mom visited me making things even harder...just the sheer relief of ending it my god...this is such a mental battle
 
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Sherri

Sherri

Archangel
Sep 28, 2020
13,794
I'm sorry you going through a hard time, no matter what decision you take, think it through very well, if you need someone to talk and blow some steam you can Pm me anytime. There are ways to get better, if you willing to give it one last stand. When I first joined I was like you, I had everything ready, but this site and All users and mods made me feel better and safe, so I found the strenght to carry on. Somedays are hard, but the good or bearable days are more than the bad days, good luck and sending you a hug.
 
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lotus11

lotus11

Specialist
May 18, 2019
345
What's sustena shots? Just curious? I would like to go tonight also, but I am in a shared room with other people with no privacy. I hope that tomorrow I can wake up with the strength to do it.
 
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H

healthrecovery

Specialist
Sep 25, 2021
378
Man i'm struggling wether to ctb..i feel so much like doing it my mind constantly gravitates towards it. If my mom didn't visit me i would have ctb already
What's sustena shots? Just curious? I would like to go tonight also, but I am in a shared room with other people with no privacy. I hope that tomorrow I can wake up with the strength to do it.
Invega sustenna (paliperidon) is also called xeplion is a injectable anti-psychotic with a half life of 50 days. It takes up to 300 days to leave the body but some users also test positive 3 years later. It blocks all dopamine and almost all serotonin and adrenergic receptors it basically blocks everything taht is crucial to life. It completely depletes all your dopamine and serotonin levels. In japan 32 people died from it and in france they had 27 casualties and 473 cases that required hospitalisation. Its pure poison that ruins peoples lives. there's also the "coming off invega sustenna" thread on bluelight.

The shot fucked me up so bad..one shot and boom completely bedridden month after month i couldn't breath, my heart was fluttering and had severe burning pain in my brain. My emotions are gone, my personality is gone, my physical health is gone, memory and cognition is completely shattered, zero motivation, depressed and suicidal. I had muscle spasms from toe to head and parkinsonism so bad i couldn't walk i had to use canes to walk. I feel like a vegetable and can't do anything besides being in bed all day. Most psychiatrist don't believe it they think its a great drug they have no clue what they are handing out to patients and blame all symptoms on schizophrenia and whatever....they force people with court orders to take these shots for many months or years. It lowers testosterone raises prolactin and makes you infertile the body stops producing semen

Some of the people i've talked to had permanent side effects even up to 5 or 6 years after taking their last shot. Whatever you do in life do not take the shot ever
 
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intr0verse

intr0verse

Experienced
Jan 29, 2021
267
I would say you should take your time, all the time you need to think about this. Now you have the ticket so you can take the ride anytime you want. If you have a chance to recovery, give it a try, you have nothing to lose.
The lack of a reliable method has kept me here and the reason i don't torment myself about it, is one day death will come anyway.
You have the most peaceful way out, try to relax a bit, don't rush things.
 
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lotus11

lotus11

Specialist
May 18, 2019
345
Man i'm struggling wether to ctb..i feel so much like doing it my mind constantly gravitates towards it. If my mom didn't visit me i would have ctb already

Invega sustenna (paliperidon) is also called xeplion is a injectable anti-psychotic with a half life of 50 days. It takes up to 300 days to leave the body but some users also test positive 3 years later. It blocks all dopamine and almost all serotonin and adrenergic receptors it basically blocks everything taht is crucial to life. It completely depletes all your dopamine and serotonin levels. In japan 32 people died from it and in france they had 27 casualties and 473 cases that required hospitalisation. Its pure poison that ruins peoples lives. there's also the "coming off invega sustenna" thread on bluelight.

The shot fucked me up so bad..one shot and boom completely bedridden month after month i couldn't breath, my heart was fluttering and had severe burning pain in my brain. My emotions are gone, my personality is gone, my physical health is gone, memory and cognition is completely shattered, zero motivation, depressed and suicidal. I had muscle spasms from toe to head and parkinsonism so bad i couldn't walk i had to use canes to walk. I feel like a vegetable and can't do anything besides being in bed all day. Most psychiatrist don't believe it they think its a great drug they have no clue what they are handing out to patients and blame all symptoms on schizophrenia and whatever....they force people with court orders to take these shots for many months or years. It lowers testosterone raises prolactin and makes you infertile the body stops producing semen

Some of the people i've talked to had permanent side effects even up to 5 or 6 years after taking their last shot. Whatever you do in life do not take the shot ever
Fuck man, really interesting, I am so sorry for you. I actually got pretty fucked up from the covid shot that we are forced to take. I'm not sure exactly how much damage it did but qt this point I've only taken one. Don't want to take another one but think I will be forced to as I need to travel a lot and am not rich enough to pay thousands for testing all the time. If it paralyses me like the first effects though I will try my best to cbt.
 
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E

Elegy

Student
Nov 14, 2021
149
Wow. Never heard of this Invega sustenna. Only know about the oral antipsych meds I've been prescibed. Seroquel, Depakote, Haldol, Lithium etc. This shit sounds nasty. Any chance the horrible side effects will eventually wear off if you detox? Maybe give this more time for your body and brain to recover?
 
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H

healthrecovery

Specialist
Sep 25, 2021
378
I still have shitload of emotional issues and issues because of failure in life..i ruined the most beautifull things i could have shared with others and it feels really bad i fucked up. this invega stuff just pushed me over the edge but i already was looking down the abyss for some time because of past mistakes.

I've had a job of extremely high responsibility..i should have received daily coaching or daily phonecalls as support but i received none, i never seeked proper support as well aside from mental hospital which fucked me up even more. I didn't even knew i was going manic i wasn't concious of the fact.

I've taken daily soviet style haldol injections and high dose haldol pills for a month (forced) and it never fucked me up like one shot of invega did. I've used haldol, abilify, seroquel, olanzapine (all forced medications in hospital)...i would rather OD on haldol than taking one depot shot of invega sustenna. Haldol is fucked up also but at least with haldol you recover..invega gives you lingering problems for many years and there is no guarantee for recovery. Invega blocks everything, opiates, meth, cannabis it makes meth look like iboprufen/candy there's absolutely no relief whatsoever.

Benzos's and alcohol also barely work i cannot get drunk..if invega blocks N i'm throwing chairs
 
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Elegy

Student
Nov 14, 2021
149
"i already was looking down the abyss for some time because of past mistakes."
Now THAT, I can definitely relate to.
Live long enough, and we're ALL bound to make mistakes. And some of those mistakes will be Doozies.

May I ask why, you think, you "throw chairs" around the room?
Fits of blind rage? I ask, because I have the same problem.

edit: sorry i did not read your comment correctly before replying.
You said; "if invega blocks N"...
 
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Rayzieka

Rayzieka

Not Really Here
Apr 28, 2021
637
I haven't had the injection but I've been on invega as a pill. Caused me all kinds of issues and I stopped taking it without saying anything after a month.
My real fear is clozapine. I heard that ones the worst of the worst.
I'm sorry you're having those effects but if they will pass then maybe you should hold on. Though I fully understand the pain anti-psychotics cause.
Sometimes the symptoms are enough to make you want to cheese grate your limbs off but it always ends.
 
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healthrecovery

Specialist
Sep 25, 2021
378
I haven't had the injection but I've been on invega as a pill. Caused me all kinds of issues and I stopped taking it without saying anything after a month.
My real fear is clozapine. I heard that ones the worst of the worst.
I'm sorry you're having those effects but if they will pass then maybe you should hold on. Though I fully understand the pain anti-psychotics cause.
Sometimes the symptoms are enough to make you want to cheese grate your limbs off but it always ends.
I wish i took the pill it metabolizes really fast in like 24 hours..sustenna is paliperidon palmitate (palmitate is same stuff they put in napalm). Clozapine is also on my list as one of the worse APs its riddles with side effects. Pills in general are better than injections. Thanks for your encouraging reply i'm not sure if i want to wait it out
 
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healthrecovery

Specialist
Sep 25, 2021
378
Severe urge to ctb again
 
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