
puppet_nihilist
cogito, ergo sum
- Jan 8, 2021
- 227
This can sound absurd to many people in general, not too absurd though I hope, but I have never touched a cat in my entire life up and till a day ago. I've seen them, street cats fighting usually or just running around next to a bin/trash box. But I've never touched one before.
I went out for a walk and a cat followed me. I was slightly scared at first, I sat at a bench in a park I go to every now and then when I'm free and the cat kept approaching me. Once it got close enough and just literally stood there next to my leg I started petting it and oh my god that was just so sweet. I also touched it's ears and they moved, I literally melted on the spot. It made me feel an unrealistic amount of joy. The cat was just really cute. I feel like I've missed out so much, I wish I knew how petting a cat felt like before. Anyhow, I don't know what to make of this. Being depressed, self loathing, and suicidal most of the time made me feel very weird about this experience. Is this normal? I don't deserve to feel something nice like this it made me feel conflicted, that cat is unlucky for meeting a cursed person like me.
I had a bit of fun but after some time I walked back to my home, I was just taking a break since my shit university is barraging us with assignments and shit even though the semester is literally about to end. The cat followed me for a bit but it stopped near a house along the road. I waved a small goodbye at it lol, not sure if it understood.
Anyhow, considering I'm really suicidal, and I'm highly likely to commit suicide as soon as I get out of where I am to buy SN (however and whenever that's possible in my shit circumstances) is it okay to get a pet cat? I already know the answer, I just felt like it was too painful to accept, just venting about it. I shouldn't get one, leaving it like that someday suddenly would be bad for it. I just want a pet cat after that experience, I can't tolerate the loneliness I'm already in. I don't know if I even deserve one, they're so lovely. Why is everything in life so shit and miserable, even after a tiny glimpse into something so nice I immediately recognize all the mess and horrible shit that'll happen afterwards. Why is everything in life so unbelievably wrong. Everything is wrong. There's not one thing that even resembles salvation in this shit life. Well at least it's not eternal, but damn getting out of it is really hard.
I went out for a walk and a cat followed me. I was slightly scared at first, I sat at a bench in a park I go to every now and then when I'm free and the cat kept approaching me. Once it got close enough and just literally stood there next to my leg I started petting it and oh my god that was just so sweet. I also touched it's ears and they moved, I literally melted on the spot. It made me feel an unrealistic amount of joy. The cat was just really cute. I feel like I've missed out so much, I wish I knew how petting a cat felt like before. Anyhow, I don't know what to make of this. Being depressed, self loathing, and suicidal most of the time made me feel very weird about this experience. Is this normal? I don't deserve to feel something nice like this it made me feel conflicted, that cat is unlucky for meeting a cursed person like me.
I had a bit of fun but after some time I walked back to my home, I was just taking a break since my shit university is barraging us with assignments and shit even though the semester is literally about to end. The cat followed me for a bit but it stopped near a house along the road. I waved a small goodbye at it lol, not sure if it understood.
Anyhow, considering I'm really suicidal, and I'm highly likely to commit suicide as soon as I get out of where I am to buy SN (however and whenever that's possible in my shit circumstances) is it okay to get a pet cat? I already know the answer, I just felt like it was too painful to accept, just venting about it. I shouldn't get one, leaving it like that someday suddenly would be bad for it. I just want a pet cat after that experience, I can't tolerate the loneliness I'm already in. I don't know if I even deserve one, they're so lovely. Why is everything in life so shit and miserable, even after a tiny glimpse into something so nice I immediately recognize all the mess and horrible shit that'll happen afterwards. Why is everything in life so unbelievably wrong. Everything is wrong. There's not one thing that even resembles salvation in this shit life. Well at least it's not eternal, but damn getting out of it is really hard.